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Complaint letterAutomatic Complaint-Letter Generator

What do impudent nebbishes, manipulative vulgar ribald-types, and Scott Pakin have in common? If you answered, “They all revile everything in the most obscene terms and drag it into the filth of the basest possible outlook,” then pat yourself on the back.

I’ll get right to the point. I find much to disagree with in Scott Pakin’s warnings. To plunge right into it, Pakin will probably respond to this just like he responds to all criticism. He will put me down as “unctuous” or “disorganized.” That’s his standard answer to everyone who says or writes anything about him except the most fawning praise. I am being utterly serious when I say that if he has spurred us to recall the ideals of compassion, nonviolence, community, and cooperation, then Pakin may have accomplished a useful thing. (The merits of his cajoleries won’t be discussed here, because they lack merit.)

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"Scores of people, just like you, have finally decided that they've had enough of Sean's grievances...?" More ›
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Although everyone has goals, Pakin’s goal seems to be to pit race against race, religion against religion, and country against country. Pakin, you see, is the creator of the Automatic Complaint-Letter Generator. One of ACLG’s lackeys once said, “There is something intellectually provocative in the tired rehashing of hateful stereotypes.” Now that’s pretty funny, of course, but I didn’t include that quote just to make you laugh. I included it to convince you that ACLG’s particular brand of anarchism will operate in the gray area between legitimate activity and spiteful fascism in the immediate years ahead. Throughout human history, villainous irresponsible wheeler-dealers have always been negligent. So it should come as no surprise that ACLG wants us to believe that hanging out with the most snotty pettifoggers I’ve ever seen is a wonderful, culturally enriching experience. How stupid does it think we are?

In the strictest sense, if Pakin would abandon his name-calling and false dichotomies, it would be much easier for me to oppose our human vices wherever they may be found — arrogance, hatred, jealousy, unfaithfulness, avarice, and so on. He rarely tells his cringers that he plans to make serious dialogue difficult or impossible. This is all well and good, but someone once said to me, “In plain language, Pakin is the most tasteless, malignant and superstitious waste of genetic material in our society.” This phrase struck me so forcefully that I have often used it since. Imagine people everywhere embracing his claim that those of us who oppose him would rather run than fight. The idea defies the imagination. If we intend to defend democracy, we had best learn to recognize its primary enemy and not be afraid to stand up and call him by name. That name is Scott Pakin.

Let me close by reminding you that the statements I made about ACLG in this letter are in earnest. I will not equivocate. I will not excuse. I will not retreat a single inch. And I will be heard.

written by Automatic Complaint-Letter Generator, edited by Sean Weitner (sean@flakmag.com)

ALSO BY …

Also by Sean Weitner:
A.I.
The Blair Witch Project
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Deep Blue Sea
The Family Man
The Fellowship of the Ring
Femme Fatale
Finding Forrester
The General's Daughter
Hannibal
Hollow Man
In the Bedroom
Insomnia
Intolerable Cruelty
The Man Who Wasn't There
The Matrix Revolutions
Men in Black II
Mulholland Drive
One Hour Photo
Payback
The Phantom Menace
Red Dragon
The Ring
Series 7
Signs
Spy Kids, 2, 3
The Sum of All Fears
Unbreakable
2002 Oscar Roundtable

 
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