Queer Eye for Straight Girls
by Claire Zulkey

Much has has been made over Bravo's new makeover show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy." It empowers gays. It brings gay and straight men closer together. It reinforces stereotypes. It's the best new show in years. It's the most unoriginal thing on TV.

The first time I tuned in, I was unimpressed by what I thought was just a re-hashing of gay stereotypes. Carson, the blond fashionista, seemed to play the same over-the-top, sassy queen character that appears so frequently in TV and movies. The show seemed unoriginal, as well. It's easy to make fun of the clothing and decorating choices of a schlubby guy from Jersey for laffs. I turned it off.

The next time my roommates tuned in, I joined them. And this time, I watched the entire episode. The "Fab Five" (a term that's hard to use without sarcasm) made over a long-haired, blond John Travolta lookalike who lived with his mother. Makeoveree George went from creepy to hunky. The transformation was impressive.

But it wasn't the makeover that really caught my attention. Expressing his gratitude at the end of the show, George declared that the Fab Five were more than wonderful advisors: they were his new friends. And it actually seemed that way. Carson, Kyan, Ted, Jai and Thom teased, advised and complimented their way through the process, ultimately boosting George's confidence as they styled his hair, clothes and apartment.

As I watched jealously, I couldn't help but wonder: Why are these guys' talents being wasted on men? How strong or lasting of an effect could a one-day makeover have on an average middle-aged, nonmetrosexual man? Will he remember to shave with the grain? Will he continue to make and serve appetizers to his wife? Will he ever vacuum that brand-new carpet? Highly unlikely. What a waste. Suit a straight woman up with new cuisine, new wardrobe, a new look and a made-over home and she'll cruise with it until her death.

But it's more than just the makeover. I wanted the guys to be my friends, too, and female fans of the same show, discussing it online or around the water cooler, feel the same way too. Female makeovers, be they on television or in magazines, seem fairly perfunctory. Women are turned out with a new do and outfit and sent on their merry way. You rarely see bonding between female subject and teacher like what you see between the men on "Queer Eye." These men aren't just fairies - they're fairy godmothers. Plus, the specialist quality of the makeovers is tantalizing, as you have a separate guru with a separate charming (or over the top) personality for each element of your aesthetic life.

And just like fairy godmothers, the Fab Five disappear forever once their work is done. As the madeover guys make emotional toasts about how today they got more than a makeover, they made five great new friends, the abrupt and permanent disappearance of the queer guys is disenchanting. But perhaps this is the perfect relationship. The Fab Five come and do their job and then leave quickly, no strings attached. They don't have to stick around to see the straight guys' beauty products covered with dust and we don't have to see the Queer Eyes off duty, complaining about their boyfriends or how little money they make. It's the fairy tale quality again; we see Cinderella and Prince Charming smooch, not squabble five years later about who should put the carseat into the minivan.

It's wonderful to see not only to see how much happier the straight guys are with their new looks and remade pads, but how happy everyone around them — their friends, wives, girlfriends, parents and kids — are as well. The happiness and positivity is contagious and leaves a smile on your face as you watch. You think, "If I feel this happy and uplifted just watching the show, how would I feel being on it?" (And then you add, "And I certainly wouldn't break those priceless antique Italian glasses that Ted bought for me.")

Perhaps if every woman who fretted about her weight, worried about getting wrinkles or was depressed because she couldn't afford the latest fashions had a support group of sassy, funny, talented and empowering gay men on her side, there would a lot more happy, confident women in the world, holding their heads high. Of course the show emphasizes lookism and consumerism, but if you watch closely enough, at core the message is, 'Look good with what you've got, feel good about yourself.' Not, as women so often feel, "Lose 20 pounds, get a new hairstyle, change your personality, possibly look good with what you've got, and then maybe feel good about yourself."

And sure, the guys aren't "You go girl-ing" around the clock. They can be blunt. Most women wouldn't enjoy being told to get their mustache waxed ASAP on national TV, and many would break down and cry if they were informed that their wardrobe was a joke. But then again, any old show can make fun of somebody's personal habits. The good natured, teasing demeanor of the Fab Five make even their sharpest barbs feel lighthearted, and in essence, reminds you that the importance is (deep down), on the person underneath. This, unfortunately, is a message that has not been exactly prevalent on female-popular television lately.

While "Queer Eye" is ostensibly a show about men, for men, its message is one that women can still use. Gentlemen of "Queer Eye," your ladies are waiting.

E-mail Claire Zulkey at clairezulkey@hotmail.com.