The Fudgems Commercial
Just when you thought Pizza Hut had trumped corporate pizza's questionable products competition with its pup-eroni dog-treat crust nodules, Dominos has stepped up to the plate with a new offering that even animals that eat their own poop might want to overlook.
In the commercial for this new "edible," a delivery dude knocks on a door with Domino's signature flaccid pizza in hand... and a giant, dancing block of poop by his side. Only, unlike your garden-variety waste product, this chunk has a name: Fudgems. The convivial cube, who seems unable to stop muttering like Beavis on cappucino during his entire time on screen, is riding along in the Domino's squad car to inform unsuspecting customers that they can now enjoy free side-orders of fecal goodness with their MeatZZa Feast pizzas.
Those who catch the commercial will be unable to wave away the miasma of intestinal by-products as they watch Fudgems gleefully embrace a pre-teen customer, coating her in brown residue as though he were Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo. Appetizing? Maybe for a dung beetle.
Of course, Domino's is claiming that Fudgems is a "brownie square with fudge dipping sauce." (Redundant, anyone? That's like a cheese pizza, injected with cheese. Hey, wait a minute...).
There can only be two possibilities as to why this product seemed like a good idea:
- Domino's marketing had a Dairy Queen moment and overlooked the unsavory connotations of its moist brownie campaign.
- Domino's has determined, ostensibly, that shit sells, but Bad Andy demanded too much to renew his contract.
Whichever of these is the case, the questions still remain: does America really need to dip its brownies in fudge? And more importantly: did you ever imagine there would come a day when you would miss The Noid?
Get the door. That day has arrived.
— Cheryl Lowry (tiny-dog at comcast dot net)
