Fall TV Preview (Or, What You Won't Be Watching In Spring)
Finally the months spent watching reruns and/or bad original programming (cough Entourage cough) have finally and mercifully come to an end.
Finally, it's Fall. The time of year when television networks premiere a bunch of fresh, new programming, that, in hindsight, will most certainly range from mediocre (think last year's Brothers and Sisters) to downright terrible (think last year's Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip).
But that's all hindsight. Who cares about the quality now, right? We're just excited about all that new programming that will clutter our DVRs in the coming months.
In an effort to make things easier for you, here are the four new shows you'll most likely forget existed before the leaves change colors:
1) The Show That You're Predisposed to Love, but Really Won't
Chuck, Mondays @ 8 on NBC, premieres September 24th
The Premise: Chuck (Zachary Levi, the poor man's Adam Brody) is a mild mannered "nerd" who works at Buy More (don't call it Best Buy) and lives an unassuming life of anonymity. That is until one day when he accidentally opens an e-mail subliminally encoded with government secrets of a most sensitive nature. And that's when all hell breaks loose. Now Chuck, armed with a government agent partner named Sarah (Yvonne Strzechowski, the hot blonde), must fight for his life and try to save earth. Or something like that.
Why I'll Certainly Want to Watch It: Why wouldn't I want to watch it? This is a show that seems to combine the best aspects of The 40-Year-Old Virgin, the Bourne movies, Mr. and Mrs. Smith and The O.C. into one amazing soufflé of awesomeness. Oh, and it's created by Josh Schwartz, the mastermind behind The O.C. He's great at writing hipster dialogue that manages to be self-deprecating, funny, intelligent and cool. Too bad Adam Brody, in an effort to completely lock up the title of "James Vanderbeek for the MySpace Generation," turned down the lead role to pursue his movie career. And by "to pursue his movie career" I mean "to figure out how on earth he's ever going to find a girlfriend as hot as Rachel Bilson again." But seriously, if Brody was in this, that's the only way this could be better, right? Right?? Right???
And Why I Won't: Wrong. There's something about this show that doesn't sit well with me. Of course I'll watch it — that goes without saying — but I'm not sure this is going to be any good. Look, I trust Josh Schwartz, but
Chuck looks like it'll face the question that many shows before it, and certainly many shows after it, have to ask themselves: What is it? If it's a "comedy," is it going to be funny and endearing enough? And if it's "action," will there be enough explosions? And if it's an "espionage thriller," will there be enough twists? I have no doubt that Chuck will try hard, but I have a sinking feeling that it's just going to flat out fail at doing anything it sets out to do very well. Plus, Adam Baldwin is in the cast. Can you really imagine a show with Adam Baldwin being picked up for a second season? Let me answer that for you: No, of course you can't.
2) The Show That Everyone Will Watch, But No One Will Like
Private Practice, Wednesdays @ 9 on ABC, premieres September 26th
The Premise: From Grey's Anatomy creator Shonda Rhimes comes a new show that follows the loveable Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery (Kate Walsh, loveable hot redhead) from tumultuous Seattle Grace Hospital to the sunny beaches of Santa Monica, where she'll struggle to find happiness, love and success in the hallways of the Oceanside Wellness Center all to the strains of a K.T. Tunstall song.
Why I'll Certainly Want to Watch It: I like Grey's. And you know what? I know you do too. How could you not? That show is a perfect mix of soap, drama and comedy. And obviously the success of Grey's Anatomy is in large part thanks to Shonda Rhimes. So if Shonda Rhimes thinks that Private Practice is good enough for her to remove one of the more beloved characters from Grey's right out of the show, then I'll believe her. And speaking of Addison, let's talk about Kate Walsh for a second. She came into Grey's Anatomy as a cliché and left as the most humane character in the entire hospital. She's a potentially gifted comedic actress and she's, for lack of a better phrase, like, really pretty. I mean like old-school Hollywood pretty. Okay, she's hot. On paper, this show is guaranteed to be the next big thing I love …
And Why I Won't: … except for the fact I watched the "pilot" episode last May and I know it won't be. Seriously, if that episode is any indication, this is going to be one of the first shows canceled. It managed to be cheesy, trite, ridiculous, boring, uninteresting, and, if it's even possible, more estrogen-filled than Grey's is. Poor Kate Walsh. I only hope that she'll be allowed back to Seattle Grace Hospital after this debacle. I guess the only silver lining for ABC is that they'll finally be out from under the weight of the contracts that Taye Diggs (formerly on Daybreak) and Tim Daly (formerly on The Nine) have on the books.
3) The Show That You'll Love … If You're an F'n Idiot
The Big Bang Theory, Mondays @ 8:30 on CBS, premieres September 24th
The Premise: Are you ready to laugh? Are you sure? Okay, here it goes: From Chuck Lorre, creator of Two and a Half Men, comes The Big Bang Theory. Two nerds Leonard (Johnny Galecki, you know him) and Sheldon (Jim Parson, you don't know him) try to overcome all their fears and learn how to live when a hot, blonde neighbor (Kaley Cuoco, yet another hot and blonde one), fresh off a nasty break-up moves in next door. Suffice to say, comedy ensues. Are you laughing yet?
Why I'll Certainly Want to Watch It: I hate myself.
And Why I Won't: Why I won't want to watch this? Do you have three hours? Come on! This is the type of show that wasn't funny twenty years ago, let alone now. Between this and Two and a Half Men, I'm convinced that Chuck Lorre has ties to Al-Qaeda and he's trying to undermine this country from within. Because of that, I can't possibly support this show. Oh, that and I'm not developmentally delayed. Seriously, if you watch this show under your own volition, you are either seriously challenged or Chuck Lorre's wife. I don't know how else to say it. Could that sound like a worse television show? And if you think it reads bad, wait until you see a television commercial for it. I really find it hard to believe there would be a worse show picked up by a major television network. I just don't think that's possible.
4) The Show That Will Make You Punt Your TV Through a Wall
Cavemen, Tuesdays @ 8 on ABC, premieres October 2nd
The Premise: I clearly spoke too soon. Cavemen follows the exploits of three, um, cavemen (the guy who played Jimmy Olsen in Superman Returns and two other nobodies), who live in sunny San Diego and try to make it through the pitfalls of life. Along the way they encounter plenty of prejudices from Homo sapiens who don't understand them. Together they'll try to teach everyone that those preconceived notions about cavemen are prehistoric. Do you get it? Because they're cavemen. You might also know this as "the show that's based on a Geico commercial."
 |
|
|
Why I'll Certainly Want to Watch It: I really hate myself.
And Why I Won't: You know, I kind of want to live to see 30 and I know if I watch this show I'm going to end up doing severe harm to myself or whoever is in a five mile radius of me when it's on. Did I think those Geico commercials were clever the first five hundred times I saw them? Sure thing. Did I ever think to myself, "hey too bad this fifteen second spot isn't a thirty minute sit-com?" No, I can't say that I did. It's not so much that I hate the entire concept of Cavemen, it's that I hate how it's being used as some stupid metaphor for race relations in America. The cavemen go to a country club and get shunned? And then they get asked what kind of food they eat (nothing is more "hip" than a "serve them raw meat" joke — if you saw the trailer, you'd know what I'm talking about)? These are the kind of jokes we're dealing with on this show. Don't you see? The cavemen are like minorities. The show is really deep. It works on, like, one and a half levels. Ugh! I swear I can actually imagine the type of over-educated, under-experienced, completely idiotic, Ivy leaguer who came up with this and I want to steal his milk money. Do yourself — and this country — a favor: don't watch Cavemen. If you do, Chuck Lorre's wife and the terrorists win.
— Christopher Rosen (christopher dot rosen at gmail dot com)
