The Dell intern ads
The latest ad initiative by computing giant Dell seems innocuous at first. In the spots, three spunky interns with boring names — hereby known as Square White Guy, Non-Threatening Black Guy and Competent Woman — run around the office genuflecting before the utter greatness of Dell and its computing products.
But like a Manischewitz hangover, the ads creep up on you — they're both nauseating and irritatingly persistant.
The commercials' pacing might lead a casual observer to believe the fresh-faced interns represent an edgy foray into the world of marketing, but nothing could be further from the truth. A chronicle of their antics from a recent ad looks like this:
1) One of the interns sort of jumps around a mail cart.
2) An object of some sort is tossed — a short distance — across the office, and caught.
3) Square White Guy trips in a seemingly flat hallway.
4) Entire team makes "intern training video" of Square White Guy tripping in a seemingly flat hallway.
These are antics in the same way that Iraq had an information ministry. Real intern mischief might include any of the following incidents:
1) Wrapping self in bubble tape after hours; rolling up and down the hall.
2) Scanning own genitalia, professionally "touching up" genitalia in Photoshop, distributing genitalia via the office's secure e-mail network.
3) Selling sensitive corporate documents to North Korea.
4) Replacing intern training video with the X-rated remake of Holes.
The Dell interns — hapless nerds, despite their scrubbed good looks — have no such potential. In fact, they represent an implicit rebuke of their predecessor: The Dell Guy.
The most important thing about the Dell Guy was his subtext. A trickster in the mythological sense of the word, he brimmed with subversive potential. He fast-talked parents. He squired the hot young ladies. And he appeared to be massively high. We don't know precisely what he was on, and no one knows how far the lady-escorting actually went, but therein lies the fantasy.
Undoubtedly, the pressure that led to his termination. Like Frankenstein's monster, he got out of control, overshadowed the product with his bad-boy aura, and therefore had to be put down by a torch-wielding mob of corporate village idiots.
Contrast his profile with that of the interns, who contain roughly the same potential for unchained raucous chaos as Joe Lieberman. Their stabs at humor are safe and contained, their devotion to the company is sincerely slavish and they are each entombed within their dismally stereotypical roles.
The white guy is overenthusiastic and clumsy, the foil for what meager stabs of humor exist within our now barren little world. The black guy represents a bold commitment to paying lip service to diversity by depicting a thoroughly safe and Cosbyized black male. The woman is smart and totally capable, thereby refuting gender stereotypes that have been on the run since Yentl.
Oh, and various Web denizens seem to have noticed that she's hot, too.
As a team, our three protaganists forfeit any chance of holding our interest. But will they sell computers?
Probably not, since the ads are about as memorable as Rob Schneider's last movie. But they'll probably accomplish their insidious goal: Eliminating the Dell "cult-of-personality" ad formula once and for all.
— James Norton (jrnorton@flakmag.com)
— graphic by Derek Evernden (derek@ocellus.net)
