"Amish in the City"
UPN
Wednesday, 8 p.m. / 7 p.m. Central

A plush mansion complete with hot tub, constant partying, roommates hooking up, girls catfighting... and some Amish kids? UPN's new reality series, "Amish in the City," chronicles the lives of five young Amish adults as they practice the tradition called rumspringa ("running around"). During this time, which starts at age 16 and usually ends by 22, Amish youth are free to deviate from their community's strict rules and experience everything the so-called modern world has to offer. Rumspringa ends once an individual chooses whether to be baptized and commit themselves wholeheartedly to the religious and behavioral aspects of the Amish lifestyle. Those unbaptized will be welcomed back as visitors. But woe be to those who choose baptism and then leave the church, which usually means renouncing all ties to his or her family.

While most teens stick close to home during this rite of passage, Mose, Randy, Miriam, Ruth and Jonas have decided to move from their respective enclaves to Los Angeles and live with six twenty-somethings who serve as cultural tour guides for their sheltered counterparts. Viewers are informed that these city kids are also at crossroads in their own lives — most are trying to delay higher education or career decisions for a few months longer.

The city kids — Meagan, Ariel, Whitney, Reese, Kevan and Nick — all show up at the house first, unaware of the impending arrival of their Amish roommates. To heighten the tension, the Amish group is dressed in traditional attire that includes bonnets and suspenders. Caught off guard and unburdened with an abundance of intelligence, the urban contingent doesn't exactly make the newcomers feel welcome. Initial comments include: "Oh my God, these people are our roommates," "Absolutely not" and "This house isn't big enough for all of us." Amiable and laid back, the Amish kids take the others' dramatics in stride. It's not clear why the urbanites are so perturbed. Apparently, they equate being Amish with being a wife-hoarding fundamentalist Mormon or a member of a Kool-Aid swilling suicide cult.

Eventually the city kids settle into a comfortable routine that vacillates between mocking their counterparts and helping them acclimate to their new surroundings. Reese, a gay club promoter, gives Mose and Jonas makeovers, and water enthusiast Kevan teaches Ruth to swim. These random acts of kindness are interspersed with comments like "So you guys seriously dress like this? It's not, like, a joke?" and "When we make fun of Amish people, we're not making fun of you personally."

The show exploits the Amish kids' naivete for entertainment value, and it gets old fast. They've never been on airplanes, seen a limousine, had sushi, used a dishwasher, ridden on escalators — you get the idea. Even a trip to the grocery store is an adventure for Mose — continually called Moses by his learning impaired roommates — who says "I seen a lot of fruits and vegetables I never seen before and that's very strange because I grew up as a farmer."

While baffled at the sight of an avocado, the group's members are eerily unaffected by their housemates. Among the Amish, homosexuality is forbidden and ethnic diversity is nil. When African-American college student Whitney asks Miriam if there are any black Amish, her response is, "I have a friend who gets pretty dark in the summer." They're not judgmental about Reese's sexuality; nor are they curious. They almost appear determined to remain unaffected by this experience in any substantial way. Ruth and Miriam express no interest in exploring how gender roles differ in the outside world. Amish women work strictly as homemakers and mothers. Maybe if there were more dynamic women in the house to serve as role models, these two would be more inspired. Ariel, a staunch vegan, thinks cows are from outer space, and freelance (read: unemployed) fashion stylist Meagan makes it clear that her priorities are partying and hooking up. Of course, people with meaningful careers don't have time to participate in a lame reality series.

It is unlikely that Mose, Ruth, Miriam, Randy or Jonas will decide to abandon their own tight-knit communities to become permanent cliff dwellers. Mose clearly states that he wants to instill his religion into his children, Randy says he wants to marry an Amish girl and Ruth has a serious boyfriend waiting for her at home. In addition, they are all ill-equipped to survive in contemporary America given that most of them lack an education that extends beyond the eighth grade. More importantly, why would they want to stay in La-La land after living with six such self-involved and shallow people? Too bad the Amish don't usually accept converts; this show might throw a few their way.

— Jennifer Lind-Westbrook (jlind4@mindspring.com)