Return of the Black Riders
by Robert McEvily

Black riders came from the sea.
There was clang and clang of spear and shield,
And clash and clash of hoof and heel,
Wild shouts and the wave of hair
In the rush upon the wind:
Thus the ride of sin.
— Stephen Crane

This year's ride of sin for the Oakland Raiders is squashed in the slow lane. Stuck in a beat-up station wagon, farting along at 20 mph, complete with blinking hazard lights and near-flat tires, the Raiders' only chance of changing lanes — and dodging the title of "league laughingstock" — is to return to team history. They need to re-adopt the tactics that they've employed more than any other team in any other sport: Feigned insanity. Psychotic rage. Intimidation. Unsportsmanlike conduct. And cheating.

Especially cheating. So far this season, only the Chargers, Falcons and Cardinals have played with less success. Earlier in this calendar year — after an interception by Charles Woodson and a field goal by Sebastian Janikowski — the Raiders were winning the Super Bowl. Now, according to Bill Callahan, their barely sane coach, the Raiders are "the dumbest team in America." Worse still, despite Dec. 14's mistake-filled, 20-12 win over Baltimore, the team appears bound for a potential Toilet Bowl — a Week 17 matchup against San Diego that may very well determine the NFL's worst team.

A season featuring the Oakland Raiders as the lowest of the low is not good for football. The league's Luke Skywalkers are in danger of losing their Darth Vader. With your help this Monday night, perhaps not. You can make a difference. This Monday night, at the expense of the Green Bay Packers, you can root for the return of the Black Riders. Every vibe helps. First though, the Raiders need a harsh slap. They need to wake up to their true nature.

The game against Baltimore — mistake-filled as it was — was a step in the right direction.

The New York Times recently profiled Army football player Rob Davis, a sophomore at West Point. On a typical day after studying all night, Davis suits up for a grueling practice. But not before cleaning his room for inspection, shining his shoes, making sure the hangers in his closet are equidistant, taking a physics exam and marching in full regalia with a rifle. In contrast, the Raiders of the late '70s and early '80s weren't accountable for their actions off the field. "Just win, baby," owner Al Davis told them. And the Raiders won, including three Super Bowls. Despite its players' moral purity, Army was crushed in its final game, finishing the season at 0-13.

The Army way is not the Raider way.

The Raiders are colorful and disrespectful. They're castoffs, misfits, outlaws. Coach Callahan needs to embrace the mayhem and penalties — encourage them — and ratify his team's unalienable right to swagger without consequence. The difference between outlaws and "the dumbest team in America" is simply winning.

Great Raiders teams have never been overly dominant. Great Raiders teams are overachievers. There has to be an air of self-destruction about them. Last year's team displayed that self-destruction early on, but did so too completely, starting 4-0, then losing 4, then going 7-1 to finish the season. Near the end of the season, the team was a well-oiled machine accustomed to winning, not a rag-tag crew. The Raiders had the top offense in the NFL. These are sure signs of Raider failure. The team thrives on uncertainty and anger, not polish and precision. The one-eyed pirate plays at a disadvantage, but finds a way to win.

For a while under coach Jerry Glanville, the Atlanta Falcons tried a badass path. Glanville changed the team's primary color from red to black, adopting an attitude to match. But the team went nowhere. Only the Raiders can be the Raiders. Even the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, whom former Oakland coach Jon Gruden led to the Super Bowl, are now returning to their mediocre roots. Gruden's dictatorship produced results in Oakland, but not the big prize. He either failed to understand the Raider mystique or simply ignored it, preferring instead to place his own stamp on the team and win or lose with his own systems and philosophies. The Bucs — hungry for recognition and eager to be told what to do — responded in full. The Raiders could not.

The Raiders are not ball control. They're an unexpected third-and-short bomb down the left sideline. They're not prevent defense. They're man-to-man, beat me if you can (and if you do, I'll knock you down and draw a penalty), in-your-face coverage. They're not curfew, they're nighthawks prepared to work through their hangovers. They need to be bad to be good. All future coaches need to understand this.

Their players — at least the majority — need to be eccentric. "Snake" Stabler. "Mad Stork" Hendricks."Assassin" Tatum.

The current crop has talent, but no flair. Jerry Rice will enter the Hall of Fame as a 49er. He's a superb athlete, arguably the best receiver to play the game, but his is a smooth game, a workaholic's game. His is not the bumpy, scratchy game of a Fred Biletnikoff or a Cliff Branch. His is not a Raider game. In comparison, quarterback Rick Mirer may still have makings of a classic Raider success story. He was 1993's rookie of the year with the Seahawks; then he was discarded, nearly forgotten. His improbable elevation this season from third-stringer to starter makes a neat comparison to Jim Plunkett, whose career sputtered in New England after he won the Heismann Trophy at Stanford. Plunkett found redemption with the Raiders and directed two Super Bowl victories. Mirer — at least at the moment — appears a victim of the wrong team at the wrong time.

If the Raiders finish this season with just four wins, they'll match one of their worst campaigns in 40 years. Something needs to be done, and fast. The entire balance of the NFL is at stake. The Raiders are the league's premier villains and need to remember that. Their fans certainly do. If you're a traditionalist, you'll root for the Raiders to beat the Packers Monday night. You'll root for a second straight win, and a third against the Chargers. You'll root for the return of the Black Riders. And you'll smile as the cheap shots pile up.

E-mail Robert McEvily at robertmcevily@yahoo.com.