Bears vs. Colts, Behrens vs. Cook

Every day from now until Super Bowl XLI, Flak Magazine will publish an e-mail exchange between Andy Behrens (sports writer and dedicated Bears fan) and Bob Cook (sports writer and diehard Colts fan). Let the (pre)game begin.

Friday, Feb. 2

FROM: Andy Behrens
TO: Bob Cook

You know what? If Virginia McCaskey is so stridently anti-abortion, maybe I'll reverse my positions on reproductive freedom, humanness, evolution, and creation science. I feel I owe the principal owner of the NFC Champions at least that much. Did you not see that sweet bear-skin coat she wore to receive the Halas trophy? That didn't strike you as unrelentingly cool? How 'bout the glasses? No? No?

The only things I actually know about Jim Irsay are that A) he's the son of the dude who moved the Colts from Baltimore, literally in the middle of the night, following super-secret negotiations with Indianapolis, and B) he threatened to move the Colts to L.A. less than 20 years later (which would have resulted in one of the more awkward marriages between a city and, in Peyton Manning, an elite athlete). Oh, and I also know that C) at one point Jim Irsay had some kind of raging painkiller addiction, which I suppose gives him a certain Limbaughian street credibility.

I'm not really picking up on this "rationalization for losing" thing, not in Chicago. I have no doubt that an overwhelming majority of experts will pick the Colts, based largely on Manning's excellence and a memory of how good they were in 2005, when their defense didn't completely suck. But the Bears under Lovie have demonstrated a remarkable ability to transform such perceived disrespect into focused, violent aggression. The Bears are going to win this game, Bob. Prepare to crown our ass.

"Bear down, Chicago Bears, and let them know why you're wearing the crown..."

Andy, your trash-talking is who I thought you were.

I am adopting the habits of my team's owner, too. I have found a Dr. Feelgood to hook me up with some painkillers, I've started playing guitar in my underwear, and I've hired Bill Polian to manage my affairs. Also, I'm shopping myself around to different cities to see what they'll give me after I sell my house, and I plan on moving in the middle of the night. If Virginia McCaskey is wearing a bearskin coat, then I hope somebody takes a colt's head and puts it in her bed. Or at least some souvenir from Colts Neck, N.J.

Cut that meat!