Bears vs. Colts, Behrens vs. Cook
Every day from now until Super Bowl XLI, Flak Magazine will publish an e-mail exchange between Andy Behrens (sports writer and dedicated Bears fan) and Bob Cook (sports writer and diehard Colts fan). Let the (pre)game begin.
Monday, Jan. 29
FROM: Andy Behrens
TO: Bob Cook
Ah, Monday.
From the bankrupt mills of the I-80/94 industrial corridor to the meth-addicted public schools of Vincennes and Evansville, I bet they're still celebrating. The Colts have beaten the Patriots, assorted Mannings are cuddling, and Indianapolis is a seven-point favorite to win the Super Bowl. That's sweet. Really. Enjoy it, Bob.
Because in a week the Sex Cannon will have his way with you.
"Bear down, Chicago Bears! Make every play clear the way to victory..."
FROM: Bob Cook
TO: Andy Behrens
Well, here's your first problem — the Sex Cannon is a product of those southern Indiana meth-addicted public schools you're talking about. That might explain his inability to complete a 10-yard pass.
Second — even if Tank Johnson is allowed to leave state lines for violating his probation by being Gurnee's No. 1 pit-bull-and-guns owner, he's going to find it's much harder to rush the passer when you're wearing leg chains.
Third — I believe the Bears' NFC schedule consisted of orphange-sponsored teams. Have they played a real team at all this year? Oh yeah, the Patriots! Didn't the Bears lose to them?
Fourth — now that the games are outside Chicago, you can't count scores by dead people anymore.
Bow to the awesomeness that is Peyton Manning!
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