The Coalition of the Winning
by Luciano D'Orazio

Comeuppance is truly a dish to savor.

Ask our European allies. The recent coalition victory in Iraq has focused America on the fate of Great Britain, Spain and Italy. They, most assuredly, will benefit from their stalwart backing of America's fight against Saddam Hussein.

These countries, unlike America's more world-weary antagonists, understand the intrinsic relationship between Europe and the United States — the money relationship. The ties that bind are the ties with a price tag — the intermingling of European and American markets.

Nowhere is this more evident — and more effective — than on the soccer pitch.

In the upcoming semi-finals of the UEFA Champions League, Europe's premier club competition, all four semifinalists come from America's two stalwart Continental allies — Spain and Italy.

The top three Italian clubs — Juventus, AC Milan and Internazionale (or Inter) — join Spanish powerhouse Real Madrid as the top four teams in Europe.

It's only the second time in European history that a single country sent three teams to the semifinals. And it's clear to see why — the finalists know how their bread is buttered.

Juventus — awash in money from industrialist patron Fiat, which looks to be bought out by Ford — gets stronger every year. Milan, owned by the flamboyantly pro-American Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, enjoys a return to its early '90s glory. Inter, whose jersey sports the All-American Nike swoosh, is playing its best in years.

Defending champion Real Madrid, joining the Italians in the semis, proudly touts Pepsi as its "primary collaborator." Manchester United, the only English team to advance to the quarters, enjoys a lucrative cross-marketing agreement with a great American institution — the New York Yankees.

The same cannot be said for the "Axis of Weasel."

It seems the lessons of the allies went unheeded in the rest of Old Europe. The lack of Stars and/or Stripes on their balance sheets already has sealed the fate of German and French teams. The cream of German soccer, five-time European champion Bayern Munich decided too late to change from the German sponsor Opel to the American T-Mobile. French power Olympique Marseille eschews America altogether for Algerian airline Khalifa Airways. Lyon keeps looking inward, keeping Renault as its sponsor.

The results are nothing less than catastrophic. France's three-team delegation — Auxerre, Lyon and Lens — never got past the first group stage of 32. Only one Russian team, Lokomotiv Moscow, advanced past the first stage, only to fall in the second round, where it managed just one tie and 5 losses.

Germany's finest did little better. It's most surprising because the German teams are considered among Europe's best, on par with their counterparts in England, Spain and Italy. Two teams were eliminated in the second group stage, and — most humiliating — mighty Bayern finished dead last in the first stage. To put this in American terms, it's as if Duke lost to the No. 16 seed in the first round of the NCAA Tournament.

The results shouldn't surprise anyone. Never mind that the French won the 1998 World Cup and the 2000 European Championship. Their league — the effete-sounding Le Ligue — is second rate, at best. Occasionally a team — a single team — could pose a threat. But Le Ligue is more of an annoyance than a real threat.

Germany has been flat-out disappointing. It seems the Germans have relied on a familiar strategy: staking their hopes on one dream team to lead them to greater glory. Only this time, the savior doesn't have a Chaplin-esque mustache. Bayern Munich, for the past 50 years, has been head and shoulders above the rest of the Bundesliga, Germany's top league. But it can only do so much, and the team's supposed peers, Borussia Dortmund and Bayer Leverkusen, aren't pulling their weight.

The Russians are barely worth mentioning. Half the teams are controlled by gangsters, with the other half being run by media conglomerates controlled by gangsters.

Once again, fans see the already overwhelming dominance of Europe's big three leagues — England's Premier League, Spain's La Liga and Italy's Serie A. These teams, apart from being glutted with superstar talent, all understand — like their respective governments — the need for a good relationship with the United States. To get the money for superstar teams, they all, in their own ways, look across the Atlantic.

If the French and Germans continue in their insular marketing, we will see more Champions League finals dominated by the Big Three.

The lesson is clear: The key to success in Europe involves great players and lots of money, preferably American money. Our allies have understood the formula, and as they continue to look to us, they will enjoy the fruits of their labors.

Will our opponents ever learn? Germany, maybe. If anything, Germans understand the cruel mistress that is a tightening pocketbook. The French, as the driving force in anti-American antagonism, may be looking ever more inward in the years to come — much to the dismay of their teams and fans.

Well, good riddance. France and Germany certainly have paid for their insolence. And they have paid in the most barbaric manner imaginable on the Continent — mediocre soccer teams.

Ah, sweet vengeance.

E-mail Luciano D'Orazio at loudogs1@aol.com.