The Ads of Super Bowl XLII

"Fast Cars on Fox" | NASCAR

Summary: Wide shot of a fire-scarred city. Numerous cars, looking like ants, race around a track that looks suspiciously familiar. OH SNAP — it's the inside of an engine! Like the ones NASCARS have! Nascar returns in February.

High Point: Fast cars, hot women, Nascar returns! Go America!

Low Point: Blatant disregard for blinkers, pedestrian safety.

Is this commercial an agent of change? Hell yes! Cars driving around a circular track, going so fast, I had to change my underwear. Because I soiled them.

"Be Patriotic, Buy American" | Midatlantic Ford Dealers

Summary: A local Ford dealership asks me if I know "what's patriotic." Being a liberal, I reply, "Getting our trops out of Iraq in Priuses." Commercial replies, "AMERICAN WORTH ETHIC." Close enough, I guess. "Wrapped in steel," the commercial continues. Now I'm lost. "And leadership skills," the commercial tells me, while the words "Best in class towing payload" flash across the screen. Towing? I can barely carry my groceries back from Harris Teeter. "That's why more Americans chose Ford F-Series, America's Number 1 Truck." I am a bad, Subway-riding American.

High Point: I like America. :)

Low Point: But not if I don't have a Ford. :(

Is this commercial an agent of change? There are a lot of patriotic things you can do with a Ford. Go vote. Go volunteer. Drive to Pakistan and shoot Osama bin Laden. But probably the most patriotic thing to do is go to your local Ford dealership and buy a Ford (miles per gallon: 17-20).

"Tired of the Geico Cavemen? TOUGH." | Geico

Summary: The two Geico cavemen sit on the couch, apparently watching themselves on TV. "A show about us?" they wonder. What's the deal with the makeup? Why not just use real makeup?

High Point: They didn't say, "Geico: So easy, even a caveman can do it." Well, they said part of it, but only when saying, "at least they didn't say, 'So easy, even a...'" But now I've said it. Twice. God, I'm such a tool. I need a car. And insurance.

Low Point: No coaster for drink.

Is this commercial an agent of change? Capitalism = 1. Eric = 0.