The Ads of Super Bowl XLII

"It's Easy to Render Armies of People Using Computers" | Some Narnia Movie

Summary: Kids! Swords! Trebuchets! Massed, neatly organized columns of computer-generated badgers wielding halberds while clad in +2 splint mail! Still waiting for Peter Jackson's The Hobbit? Love Jesus? Narnia's got your back.

High Point: Can't get enough of those crazy trebuchets.

Low Point: Wasn't one boring Narnia movie enough? Seriously, people.

Is this commercial an agent of change? It's an agent of badgers, anyway, which is close enough.

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"Rub a Cashew On Your Ugly Ass" | Planters Cashews

Summary: A unibrow-having, poorly made-up ugly chick (who is probably gorgeous when out of make-up) causes all manner of foolishness and chaos because men are throwing themselves at her. Her secret? Rubbing herself with Planters Cashews.

High Point: Rubbin' a cashew on some cleavage.

Low Point: Is this really as ugly as we can get? The girl was sort of disappointingly attractive.

Is this commercial an agent of change? It'll certainly make anyone think twice about buying or eating cashews.

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"Charles Barkley is a Lonely, Annoying Man" | T-Mobile

Summary: T-Mobile's Fave 5 program lets Charles Barkley constantly, constantly, constantly call an up and coming young basketball star. Doesn't matter what he's doing: baking homemade bread, fucking some chick, skeet shooting, whatever. Barkley will call and bother you.

High Point: None, really. I just made up all those funny situations listed above.

Low Point: All this nonsense for a CELL PHONE commercial?

Is this commercial an agent of change? Hell no.

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"Tom Brady Says 1 in 3 Kids are Fat" | Tom Brady's 1 in 3 Kids Are Fat Foundation

Summary: An animated non-fat kid runs on a stark white background. Presumably, for every one of him, there is another non-fat kid, and a fat kid. Don't be fat.

High Point: Makes me think of an animated fat kid falling into an animated cake against a stark white background, sending animated frosting all over the place.

Low Point: I dunno, I thought the whole thing was pretty funny.

Is this commercial an agent of change? Yes. Kids aren't going to be fat if Tom Brady gets all up in their space.