The Ads of Super Bowl XLII

"House Does Remote Surgery at the South Pole" | The House Event — "Frozen"

Summary: Stay tuned after the Super Bowl for a very special episode of House, wherein he does remote surgery on some good looking scientist chick (Mira Sorvino) at the South Pole. Look for House's one trick pony — blood shooting out of orifices — to take an Antarctic twist as the red fun stuff freezes up in the sub-sub-sub zero temperatures.

High Point: A drill, operated by remote control, aimed at Mira Sorvino's face.

Low Point: You just know blood's gonna come out of some orifice or another. Also, House will be mean to everybody, including the patient, and then come up with some crazy solution that seems crazy (drill! head!) and then miraculously works.

Is this commercial an agent of change? Not particularly. Lots of people watch House. After seeing this ad, many people will continue to watch House.

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"It's Very Important to Win the Super Bowl" | The Super Bowl

Summary: Some guy — possibly Minnesota Senator Norm Coleman, but probably some famous football guy from the past — is in a sauna. He points out that if you win the Vince Lombardi trophy, you become IMMORTAL. That's about it.

High Point: Someone thought that we needed an ad, during the Super Bowl, to tell people that the Super Bowl is important.

Low Point: Someone thought that we needed an ad, during the Super Bowl, to tell people that the Super Bowl is important.

Is this commercial an agent of change? Number of people who see the ad and then watch the Super Bowl: 100 percent. That's pretty effective. Look for Medicare to become so inspired that it spontanenously fixes itself, at the very least.

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"You Can Spin Your Ford Around Real Fast" | The Ford F-150

Summary: A Ford truck is tethered to a giant centrifuge and spun around at a very high speed. Why? To demonstrate that because it has two hooks in the back, you can tether your Ford to a giant centrifuge and spin it at high speed. Conclusion: If the hooks are this strong, imagine how strong the REST of the truck is! You can probably spin it from a centrifuge no matter where you attach the tether!

High Point: Watching a truck spin around at high speeds.

Low Point: The fact that a good percentage of the American people probably will follow the logic of the ad and conclude that the Ford F-150 is the strongest vehicle EVER CREATED. And then buy it.

Is this commercial an agent of change? Yes. When it has finished airing, the number of people who can describe what a "centrifuge" is will probably triple.

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"Everything You Want in a Beer" | Bud Lite

Summary: Premise: Bud Lite taste good, is refreshing, and lets you breathe fire. Guy breathes fire all over the apartment, causing havoc. So, now Bud Lite has decided not to make its beer let you breathe fire. That means this commercial is only predicated on two lies, as opposed to the three lies originally presented.

High Point: The dude almost burns up a chick's cat. Ha! There are Freudian undertones.

Low Point: The beer.

Is this commercial an agent of change? No. It's going to take a lot more than offering and then retracting Bud Lite's capability to grant the ability of firebreathing to make non-Bud Lite drinkers start drinking it.

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"Oh my word, I shat the bed!" | Audi

Summary: Remember that scene with the horse's head in The Godfather? This time, the old guy discovers — instead of horse blood — an unidentifed black substance. Oh no! It's mud butt! Oh wait, no, it's oil, from the front of his Rolls Royce. Who did it? Audi!

High Point: Mud butt! Hilarious! Depends undergarments are really stepping it up to the next level.

Low Point: Aw, man... it was just a car ad.

Is this commercial an agent of change? Yes, all Rolls Royce owners are going to freak out and switch to Audis. Who came up with this brilliant, super effective ad campaign?