Superbowl XLI: Break 19

"Crabs Worship Avatar Of Their Own Crustacean Longings For Redemption" | Bud Light

Summary: Crabs pilfer rolling cooler of Bud Light bottles from unsuspecting beachgoers. Take back to secret lair for worship.

High Point: Crabs prove that God is dead.

Low Point: Why does beer have you to make you pee?

Will this commercial calm or inflame the Iraqi civil war? The differences between Sunni And Shia are so much sand on the beach of human consciousness. It's Miller Time!

"Rocks Are Symbolic Of Things You Want To Trust... Like Life Insurance" | Prudential

Summary: Man speaks of rocks. Rocks good. Prudential is like a rock. Prudentual is like an island. Islands good.

High Point: Therapy stones employed in hot stone massage to sexy lady's back. Verrry nice.

Low Point: Life insurance is trying a ploy on my sensitive side by using haiku poetry and surreal shenanigans. My life ain't worth a plugged nickel anyway.

Will this commercial calm or inflame the Iraqi civil war? Definitely a balm to the I.C.W. Iraq didn't land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on Iraq.

"Elvis Would Totally Bang This Compact Car" | Honda

Summary: Lurid, spastic pornographic disco ball setting revolves around reasonably priced economy car. Washed-out and impotent techno version of "Hunk O Burnin Love" warbles as the viewer not only gets dizzified, but finds self lunging for Dramamine.

High Point: Elvis rocks even when buried under woozy techno slipslop bilge.

Low Point: Car commercials don't even try any more. People who drive Hondas love Elvis.

Will this commercial calm or inflame the Iraqi civil war? May be a calming force to the sectarian strife in Iraq, but only if they don't have Walkmen.

— Matt Hanson (junglegroove@gmail.com)