Superbowl XLI: Break 7

"The Parable Of The Sad Dog" | Budweiser

Summary: A white puppy looks at meat. Is barked at by menacing black dog. Sees Americana parade. Feels inadequate. Sees pretty dog. Mud splashes him. Sees hideous reflection and feels inadequate. Notices new parade with fire trucks and supermodels. Joins, since he looks like the naturally spotted dog riding up front. Happy.

High Point: Life lesson. Turns lemons into lemonade. Make best of bad sitation. Chicken soup of fizzy cheap beer for the perilous times in which we find ourselves.

Low Point: Dogs should not long to be with supermodels.

Will this commercial calm or inflame the Iraqi civil war? We could all use some uplift. Parables are the necessary truth, even if they tell you nothing about the value of beery liquid.

"Ultimate Battle Of Mascots" | Garmin

Summary: Huge paper monster battles in Godzilla landscape with strange green wet-suited adversary. Explosion, with a pretty bad-ass soundtrack. No clear winner. But Garmin travels mad rugged, y'all!

High Point: A battle Godzilla-style.

Low Point: Its 20-second duration.

Will this commercial calm or inflame the Iraqi civil war? A troubled mirror to modern history.

"CBS Cares About Inner City Blues (Make Them Wanna Holler Too)" | CBS

Summary: Random football icons speak solemmly about the necessity for adult/child mentorships.

High Point: Mentorship.

Low Point: None.

Will this commercial calm or inflame the Iraqi civil war? There's always room for adult supervision. Where's the UN when you need em? We all need somebody to lean on...

"You Still Care About The Grammys, Don't You? 'Course You Do!!!" | The Grammys

Summary: A bunch of musicians gather to stroke egos and mourn record sales.

High Point: Justin Timberlake addresses me, the viewer, as an individual with hopes and dreams of my own.

Low Point: The Grammys are music for people who don't like music.

Will this commercial calm or inflame the Iraqi civil war? Will not bring SexyBack.

— Matt Hanson (junglegroove@gmail.com)