Superbowl XLI: Break 3

"Darkness Woarshed Over The Dude" | Chevrolet

Summary: A truck in a desert has super-hydralicized (or whatever) stuff in it that totally locks it into place, and can let drivers fly or crash at their own behest.

High Point: Narrator of said commercial sounds like the Cowboy who narrates in The Big Lebowski. High time for a good man to come to the aid of the Chevy Truck.

Low Point: The commercial ends with a quivering ramp of death suspended over merciless canyon. Is the driver dead, or is it another "Happy Ending"?

Will this commercial calm or inflame the Iraqi civil war? No effect. They don't believe in trucks.

"Floating Moon Guys Re-Inhabit 2001" | Fed-Ex

Summary: Office space on moon is given a blast of radiant light from a Fed-Ex flying machine.

High Point: Finally we have a glimpse at the robot future that will destroy us all.

Low Point: Stanley Kubrick weeps in his grave.

Will this commercial calm or inflame the Iraqi civil war? Space is simply the outer manifestation of our monolithic capitalism.

"Fast-Talking Man Weds Couple" | Bud Light

Summary: Man who ought to work at auction house gives speed-read of wedding ceremony, to minor chagrin of those attending.

High Point: Fast talkin' preachers are just the name of the game.

Low Point: Possible Wedding Crashers reference, wherein a groom's friend lasciviously intones, "And awayyy we go."

Will this commercial inflame the Iraqi civil war? Yes. The sacred institution of marriage must be protected at all costs. Wait a second...

— Matt Hanson (junglegroove@gmail.com)