Superbowl XLI: Break 1

"It's Cool To Hurt People In Order To Acquire Beer" | Bud Light

Summary: Two guys at a party are confronted with the specter of a bucket full of ice with just one Bud Light left in it. Instead of walking away and looking for an actual beer with flavor and alcohol, they rock/paper/scissors for it. One dude throws a rock at the other guy, and takes the beer.

High Point: People who drink Bud Light deserve to have rocks thrown at them.

Low Point: The guy who lost threw paper, which really means he should have won, despite his injuries.

Will this commercial calm or inflame the Iraqi civil war? The moral of this commercial is that you should hurt people in order to get what you want. If this doesn't bring out the Sunni suicide squads, nothing will.

"It's Cool To Crash Your Car Into Other People If You Are Enjoying Doritos" | Doritos

Summary: A guy eating Doritos in a car — a classic "distracted driver" — gets even more distracted when he sees a hot chick in a black dress eating Doritos while walking on the sidewalk. He crashes his car. The chick runs over, but — hilariously — trips and falls over. She manages to look very very hot while on her hands and knees in the road. Throughout the ad, adjectives such as "spicy," "cheesy," "bold," and "smooth," help connect the on-screen action with the product. Word is that this is the first fan-created ad to ever run during the Super Bowl. Good work, fans! This is exactly as creative and irritating as the non fan-created ads!

High Point: The gentleness of the car crash. If the guy had run over a toddler, this would not have been a good advertisement. Or, wait. Perhaps it would have been much better.

Low Point: Even though she was the direct result of millions of dollars of marketing research, I'm ashamed at how attractive the woman in the ad looked to me. I don't deserve to be getting married.

Will this commercial calm or inflame the Iraqi civil war? It's gonna inflame something. That's for sure.

"Animated Rodents Want You To Use An Inferior Video Service" | Blockbuster

Summary: Wallowing in the Uncanny Valley, a bunch of bug-eyed rodents in a pet store are digging something up... something owned by a far-right wing Christian freak who doesn't want you to see the good parts of Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

High Point: None.

Low Point: All this computer-animated crap needs to die in a fire.

Will this commercial calm or inflame the Iraqi civil war? This commercial will have no influence on anyone ever.

— James Norton (jrnorton@flakmag.com)