Superbowl XL: Break 16

"Excessively Coordinated Bud Light Stadium Wave" | Budweiser

Summary: A stadium crowd creates the illusion of a Bud Light pouring into a glass, using placards in a "wave" to create the stream of beer.

High Point: The comic effect of the Bud Light resembling a urine stream.

Low Point: The reminder that Bud Light actually tastes a lot like that urine stream.

Will this commercial soothe the minds of scandal-weary Americans? Perhaps. Only highly organized European soccer fans could pull a stunt like that off, which is a reminder of our necesary reliance on the United Nations in dealing with Iran.

Pirates of the Carribean | Disney Pictures

Summary: It's the sequel to the oddly popular film Pirates of the Carribean based on the theme-park ride of the same name.

High Point: A pirate with snakes for a beard!

Low Point: Orlando Bloom? Isn't his career officially over now that everyone knows he can't open a film?

Will this commercial soothe the minds of scandal-weary Americans? Fun, disposable entertainment starring wacky pirates who don't rape and murder people should keep the sheep distracted from all scandals all summer. Buy Disney stock now.

"MacGuyver" | Mastercard

Summary: MacGuyver escapes from a number of jams using such everyday items as a pine tree air freshener ($2), a tube sock, a paper clip, a ballpoint pen, etc., all with their respective prices annouced after their apperances.

High Point: Non-Katie Holmes-impregnation-related use of a turkey baster.

Low Point: Richard Dean Anderson's icky new facelift.

Will this commercial soothe the minds of scandal-weary Americans? Consumerist cheerleading masquerading as '80s nostalgia? Priceless.

"No, buy this cheap-ass car" | Hyundai

Summary: The Hyundai Sonata is inexpensive, shiny, and safe. It has more air bags than the Gillette Fusion has blades.

High Point: Hmm. . .let's see. The part about the airbags, or the part about the car being less than $18,000? Tough call.

Low Point: Okay, the ad lacked clear highs and lows. They did dis the Honda Accord, though. That was uncalled for.

Will this commercial soothe the minds of scandal-weary Americans? If they're looking for a car that will confer no status, comfort, or sense of personal achievement upon the driver, yes. It certainly will.

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Team Gamma