Superbowl XL: Break 14

The World's Fastest Indian | Magnolia Pictures

Summary: Pure speed in desert. Red car goes fast, then crashes ... Anthony Hopkins!

High Point: Speaking of surreal, Anthony Hopkins speed racin'.

Low Point: He is also kinda the low point. Kinda disturbing.

Will this commercial soothe the minds of scandal-weary Americans? Distract maybe, but not soothe. Somehow I want to relate it to the Rolling Stones halftime show, but that might be ageist.

"SUV Enthusiasts Reaps What the Ocean Sows" | Toyota

Summary: A pickup is parked on the beach, awesomely thrown around, flipped and righted again by the power of the tide, then driven away by its owner, all as captured by some sort of Web cam, apparently.

High Point: Lo-fi comes to primetime.

Low Point: In comparison to so many ads playing off of some kind of twist or surprise, the moment where the guy starts up the truck and drives off was underwhelming and totally predictable.

Will this commercial soothe the minds of scandal-weary Americans? Considering the ailing state of Ford and GM, the news of Toyota's new indestructible Tacoma cannot be good news. Certainly not soothing.

"The Sprinty Hill Show" | Sprint

Summary: Two men sit in a well-appointed living room discussing how Sprint allows you to download any songs for any occasion. Your girlfriend breaks up with you? "Baby Come Back." Win the lottery? Some hip-hop song about cash. The cash catches on fire? Then it's time to bring on the Benny with "Yakety Sax."

High Point: A Benny Hill montage featuring a scantily clad female cop.

Low Point: Passing up a perfect chance to play "Mo Money, Mo Problems."

Will this commercial soothe the minds of scandal-weary Americans? Benny Hill is the only salve that can soothe America's pain.

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Team Alpha