Superbowl XL: Break 6

"Monkey Business" | Careerbuilder.com

Summary: Monkeys in business garb rock out to "Cum On Feel The Noize" and party it up during a presentation, while that one stressed-out dude tries to play the voice of reason. Give up, man. They're monkeys.

High Point: Monkeys! Metal! Monkeys!

Low Point: Ads featuring monkeys by definition have no low points.

Will this commercial soothe the minds of scandal-weary Americans? Well, the homo sapiens hero experiences his share of anxiety at the paws of those damn dirty apes, but simian antics have eased the American mind during periods of gas crises and serial killers (Every Which Way But Loose) and, um, the death of Tupac (Dunston Checks In). On balance, yes.

"Escaladinator" | Cadillac

Summary: Gritty, yet elegant, black and white shots of a fashion show segue to one stunningly gorgeous model at the end of the catwalk rising from a pool of mercury a la Robert Patrick in T2. And then... a Cadillac SUV does the same.

High Point: The surreal moment of anticipation — what is this an ad for? — while the model emerges from the glistening pool.

Low Point: The anticlimactic appearance of the automobile. What a letdown.

Will this commercial soothe the minds of scandal-weary Americans? Now that the congressional heat is off and the robber barons of big oil are safe to jack up gasoline prices and go for another year of record profits, a new SUV (18 mpg on the highway!) isn't exactly comforting. No.

Mission Impossible: 3 | Paramount

Summary: Tom Cruise. Explosions. That song.

High Point: A car on fire flipping over.

Low Point: Tom Cruise doesn't do anything to further his current reputation.

Will this commercial soothe the minds of scandal-weary Americans? Since it has Tom Cruise in it, no.

"Freckles Are Hot" | Dove Self-Esteem Fund

Summary: Fat, freckly, wan teens learn, through the power of soap, that they too are pretty. At least on the inside.

High Point: This ad will make the millions of teen girls watching the Super Bowl feel good about themselves.

Low Point: Even the ugly ones.

Will this commercial soothe the minds of scandal-weary Americans? Yes. At least the millions and millions of scandal-weary teen girls.

[PREVIOUS BREAK]

Team Beta