Superbowl XXXIX: Break 19

"Puffy + P. Diddy + Pepsi" | Diet Pepsi

Summary: We've seen this one already. Everyone wants to drive what Sean Combs drives, because Puffy is the maker of manners.

High Point: Carson Daly is revealed for what he is: a follower, a blatant co-opter of hip-hop commercial with no personal style or taste to evince, a cipher, a shadow of a man, soulless save for the collection of pop culture detritus stacked like so many flapjacks in his brain pan.

Low Point: Carson also gets the laugh line.

Will it help fight tyranny?: It can't be helpful to advertise to the world that our preeminent trendsetter is sometimes called "Puffy."

"Is that a hidden treasure in your pocket?" | Sahara

Summary: This action movie features desert landscapes, mysterious secrets, sultry exotic women and soft moist Sahara pita bread.

High Point: Sprinkled with parmesan cheese and lightly toasted. A great appetizer!

Low Point: If you leave them out, they spoil too quickly. If you refrigerate them, they dry up.

Will it help fight tyranny?: I can't think of a better way to express solidarity with the oppressed masses of the Middle East and North Africa than through our common love of pita bread, soft or crispy, for pockets or by itself. Pita Bread.

"Simpsons/American Dad pretend to get along" | Fox

Summary: I heard something about a fat guy singing, and looked up. Shit, another stab at the overweight, I thought. But no! It's Homer Simpson. And it must be okay to make fun of Homer singing badly for the Simpsons post-game "halftime" show. Also, there is a spot for "Family Guy" spin-off "American Dad," which doesn't indicate clearly whether it will, as feared, suck.

High Point: Not Hitch.

Low Point: The Simpsons should never, even for a millisecond, cause me to confuse them with Hitch.

Will it help fight tyranny?: It's all up to "American Dad."