Superbowl XXXIX: Break 17

"I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles" | Budweiser

Summary: Close-ups of beer cascading into a glass, beer bubbles bubbling, beer draining from a long-neck bottle. A new Budweiser beer is coming soon to the market. I have no idea what it is, or why it's different.

High point: A graphic informs you, "So pucker up." That's a very gentle thing to ask a beer commercial viewer.

Low point: What the hell is this new beer gonna be?

Will this ad help fight tyranny?: It's been said that the Bush administration is too secretive, and not prone to reach out and share with the global community, and that this has greatly impaired the war on terror. Budweiser's blatant refusal to advertise what this new beer is Bushian, to say the least. How can Budweiser expect us to trust them?

"Democracy in Action" | Fox promo for "American Idol"

Summary: A promo for "American Idol" compares the elimination round (upcoming) to the Super Bowl.

High point: A potential contestant, huddled in an alley, cries into his cell phone, "This is my dream!"

Low point: Ruben Studdard really hasn't caught on yet.

"Designated Driver Lazzi" | Budweiser

Summary: Two men — a nondescript white guy and Cedric the Entertainer — try to communicate via hand signals across a crowded bar. The crowd surrounding Cedric apes his pantomime, which is meant to signify that Cedric is the "designated driver" tonight and not drinking. The whole bar is doing the "designated driver" dance by commercial's end.

High point: Anytime a beer company advertises designated driving is funny. It's like Philip Morris advertising the cancerous effects of their product. The hypocrisy is fantastic.

Low point: How are we to believe that some skinny white dude is gonna get loaded without stressing because he knows that Cedric the Entertainer will be driving him home?

"Our salad days" | Mastercard

Summary: Various food mascots, including legends such as the Vlasic pelican, the Green Giant, Count Chocula and Charley Tuna. Even Mr. Clean pitches in. The point? Something about debit cards.

High Point: Synergy!

Low Point: No Charley Tuna/Igloo Polar Bear smackdown.

Will this ad help fight tyranny?: The ad would have been more effective in North Korea if it had included a cameo by popular mascot Cap'n Kimchee.

"Oh shit!" | Careerbuilder.com

Summary: Another monkey commercial from careerbuilder.com. However, this one features one monkey noticeably sniffing the butt of another monkey, raising our collective hopes for some feces throwing action.

Low Point: No feces throwing.

High Point: Still 9:20 left in the fourth quarter.

Will this ad help fight tyranny?: Nothing that Dilbert can't undo.