Superbowl XXXIX: Break 15

"Roland Emmerich Redux" | War of the Worlds movie trailer

Summary: Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, Steven Spielberg, and H.G. Wells join forces to bring you five seconds of a highway blowing up.

High point: Not a single character looks skyward, saucer-eyed, and says, "Oh my God."

Low point: Dakota Fanning?

Will this ad help fight tyranny?: Steven Spielberg is Jewish. Also, he directed Always and Amistad. Not good.

"Boring Cars Driving Over the Rough Terrain You've Seen Oh So Many Times Before" | Honda

Summary: A montage of belt buckles (ending with a cheeky belt buckle fashioned from a Honda logo) leads into the standard montage of rugged trucks going over gravel, up mountains, through rivers, and across deserts.

High point: There was a buckle in that montage that had tiki torches on it. That was funny.

Low point: The car crashing through a dense growth of bushes. It looked, for a moment, like the bushes might actually be winning. That won't be good for sales.

"Glenn Close, Sans Makeup!" | Fox, a promo for "The Shield"

Summary: Glenn Close is new to "The Shield"! She says to Michael Chiklis "I want to be able to trust you. Right now, I can't." It's a great, great, great moment, and she is gonna take this show to another level. She is wearing almost no makeup, and you know what that means: Come on down, Ms. Close, Emmy is a-waiting!

High point: Glenn Close's ruddy, Method-trained cheeks.

Low point: Why didn't they give her one more line? She's really quite good.

"A Four-hour tour" | Cialis

Summary: Cialis! Awright! I get the first ED commercial of the night, biatches! Compared to last year, there isn't much to report about the main theme — a montage of mostly older couples hugging and indicating that they're happy with their erectile circumstances. But wait! It turns out that erections lasting longer than four hours, while unusual, require immediate medical attention. Unless you're Sting.

High Point: Mike Ditka is shilling quartz countertops this year.

Low Point: Theme music is the Ronettes' "Be My Baby" Talk about performance anxiety.

Will this ad help fight tyranny?: Freedom can now march for up to four hours straight. See Golf Magazine for details.

"Honey I Shrunk My Already Non-existent Credibility" | Verizon

Summary: Kid Rock and other stars such as Christina Aguliera and Charles Barkley are happily miniaturized. Because miniaturization is in.

High Point: Small is Beautiful

Low Point: No Peter North cameo.