Superbowl XXXIX: Operation Global Touchdown
by Flak Staff

In the name of liberty... in the name of freedom... in the name of America... The ads of Super Bowl XXXIX are upon us!

These ads come at a critical time in history. Nobody fights tyranny like America. And nothing's more American than Madison Avenue.

Therefore: Super Bowl commercials may be America's most powerful weapon against tyranny wherever it may lurk!

In the mosques of Tehran... In the Soviet-style concrete motels of Pyongyang... Deep within a crispy French baguette... Tyranny is a-quiver with fear of the oncoming Super onslaught.

Inspired by President Bush and an unstoppable love of the Constitution, Flak's writers and editors are banding together this Sunday to bring you a complete analysis of every single national commercial aired over the course of the Super Bowl — written and posted in real time!

We're also proud to sponsor, once again, an epic-length poetic commentary by Joshua Adams. You'll have to check his page, early and often, throughout the game.

Half-time commentary by Nicholas Coleman? You got it. It's a Flak tradition. Check his page 90 minutes after half-time — or even sooner, if you're feeling lucky.

The poem should rear its head shortly after play begins, about 6:45 p.m. EST, Sunday. The first block of ad reviews goes up around 7:15 p.m. EST, and they just keep coming after that. You can find the links on this page, or in the little menu on the upper left of this feature entitled "Superbowl XXXIX: Operation Global Touchdown."

Citizens: Brace yourselves.

Read it Now!:

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— Flak Staff (letters@flakmag.com)

— graphic by Derek Evernden (derek@ocellus.net)