Superbowl XXXVIII: Break 14
"Action: The Anti-Drug" | Alcohol, pot and teen angst
Summary: A WASPy teenage girl goes through all the stages of drunken, drug-induced fun in reverse order. But then her generic soccer mom does what all good parents are supposed to do: Act as a huge buzzkill.
High Point: Sucking up vomit off the seediest bathroom floor outside of a rural Chinese bus stop.
Bonus High Point: This ad will make 10,000 American parents talk to their kids about drugs. In response, 10,000 American teens will start doing drugs to piss off their repressive, out-of-touch parents.
Low Point: Mom bogarting her weed.
Will this commercial help build a more stable and democratic Iraq? Might not do much for Iraq's fledgling democracy, but any antidrug ad is a good step in America's swift march towards fascism.
"Enjoy the Silence" | Cadillac SRX-V6
Summary: The SRX-V6 flies down the now ubiquitous deserted desert road, and all is weirdly silent until it stops, and then the sound kind of catches up with it. Apparently this Cadillac is so fast that it actually breaks the sound barrier.
High Point: The first 15 seconds of silence anyone has enjoyed for hours.
Low Point: This is, by far, the worst and dullest car commercial since the coin toss.
Will this commercial help build a more stable and democratic Iraq? Highly doubtful. The absence of Celine Dion's horrible presence (and horrible lyrics. See: "Don't you find it ironical, that love is all we need") from this year's batch of car commercials, however, could lead to a more stable and democratic America.
"Career Killer" | The Ladykillers
Summary: Tom Hanks is a Southern con artist who speaks like Forrest Gump after an eight ball. There's a large black woman who says funny large black woman things and slaps people. It's questionable whether this movie has a plot.
High Point: Marlon Wayans being repeatedly bitch-slapped.
Low Point: Tom Hanks' facial hair and apparent temporary insanity for agreeing to do a movie with a Wayans. Hell has officially frozen over.
Will this commercial help build a more stable and democratic Iraq? This movie doesn’t help anything, especially Tom Hanks' career.
"Jimi's choice" | Pepsi
Summary: Seattle, 1953.
A little boy walks downs the street. He’s thirsty. There is a soda machine on either side of the street. Will he choose Coke or Pepsi? He chooses Pepsi. (Not a huge shock. Have you seen anything remotely having to do with Coke since this thing started?) Oh, and he's Jimi Hendrix and the Pepsi Machine is in front of a guitar store and the Coke machine is in front of an, uh, accordian store.
High Point: Hearing two seconds of Purple Haze.
Low Point: Unneccessary accordian-bashing.
Will this commercial help build a more stable and democratic Iraq?Nothing says stability like Jimi Hendrix.
