Superbowl XXXVIII: Break 12

"Cadillac Water Caddy" | Cadillac

Summary: If Mad Max made some money selling gas in the wastelands, he'd get this new Cadillac. Nothing says luxury American automobiles like faux-wind tunnel effects in a desert.

High Point: The point where the logo becomes visible. Adds to the juxtaposition.

Will this commercial help build a more stable and democratic Iraq? No. Faster American cars are bad for the Iraqis. But all that fake water will make Mesopotamia bloom again.

"Rednecks in Fast Cars" | Budweiser

Summary: Rednecks in fast cars with loose women always make for high drama. Not only that, two-timing rednecks make for even higher drama. Just ask Dale Earnhardt Jr. as he looks ill-fitting in a suit, chasing a Lear jet in a car.

High Point: A high-class ho exclaims Dale is mistaken in his choice of lipstick. Back to the trailer park, Dale.

"Designated Driver" | Budweiser

Summary: I'm personally offended by this ad because everyone knows drunks are superior to all other humans. End of story.

High Point: When I had a swig of my Schaefer beer. … I'm not the designated driver, of course.

"D'oh!" | Mastercard

Summary: Homer Simpson is certainly an example for all Iraqi men, as he saunters through the newest MasterCard ad being, well, Homer.

High Point: Hans Moleman taking it in the face, again.

Will this commercial help build a more stable and democratic Iraq? Democracy will immediately improve once the Iraqis issue a fatwa on Ned Flanders.