Superbowl XXXVIII: Break 06

"Do You Smell Barbecue?" | Bud Light

Summary: A romantic sleigh ride ends with Looney Tunes combustion and equine flatulence. Plus, buy our beer.

High Point: The effect of having the candle flame wick up was pleasant.

Low Point: Nothing like horse stink to make you thirsty.

Will this commercial help build a more stable and democratic Iraq? Unlikely. Potentialy they could CGI a camel into the ad, maybe a veil or two, and the ad would be ready to go to help promote terrible beer everywhere.

"One Outta Five Kids is Cool" | Philip Morris

Summary: One out of five children on a bench stands up to announce his or her maturity and general radness. Possibly something about cancer or something.

High Point: Realizing that it was another hilariously bad cigarette ad created by (surprise!) cigarette companies.

Low Point: Where's the funny zinger?

Will this commercial help build a more stable and democratic Iraq? No. Iraqis have got a little more to worry about than cool habits and the cancer that comes with them.

"Paper Fetish" | Charmin Ultra

Summary: Charmin takes sports homoeroticism to new heights, with a QB on an awesome generically designed football team gently stroking the used toilet paper coming out of his teammate's tight, warm, form-fitting pants.

High Point:The closeup on the QB's hands as he gently strokes the silky sheets dangling in front of him. He lets it run through his fingers like a sleeping whore's hair.

Low Point: No reference to the "Levitra challenge."

Will this commercial help build a more stable and democratic Iraq? No. This commercial will inspire confusion and fear in any land abroad.

"Was that Keenan or Kel?" | Pepsi

Summary: A dejected mope can't muster up the appetite to eat his good burger until a brickhouse of a waitress serves him a Pepsi. Voila: He's hungry for a bite of the burger and her booty.

High Point: Biz Markie.

Low Point: A single can of Pepsi ain't enough: It's gonna take a case of Steel Reserve 211 to fall for that hot mama.

Will this commercial help build a more stable and democratic Iraq? Any person, regardless of creed or color, knows that a woman that large is incapable of being loved. So: No.

"Shakin' Things up with Muhammad Ali" | Linux

Summary: A creepy albino child watches classic sports footage and confronts a living legend.

High Point: Nerds everywhere cry Wo07! with the Linux reference.

Low Point: Close-up on the child's face is a bit unnerving. Not to mention, Ali doesn't inspire us like he used to.

Will this commercial help build a more stable and democratic Iraq? Hasn't Iraq been "shaken up" enough?