Superbowl XXXVIII: Break 03

"What Would Willie Nelson Do?" | HR Advantage

Summary: Lots of people make exceedingly poor decisions about their finances based on the advice a creepy Willie Nelson Advice Doll gives when they pull the string.

High Point: Cameo by Don Zimmer, in which he says "Bring it on."

Low Point: Inevitable retardulous new catchphrase: "Willie Would."

Will this commercial help build a more stable and democratic Iraq? Even Willie's financial guidance has gotta be better than W.'s. Let's send the Willie doll over there and see if he can help get things straightened out.

"Men of Troy" | Troy

Summary: CGI battles, manicured Hollywood males with inappropriate British accents and bronze armor — welcome to Troy, the movie.

High Point: Orlando Bloom's hair.

Low Point: Only Super Bowl commercial to not prominently feature cleavage. Actually, Troy may be the first movie where the men are substantially prettier than the women.

Will this commercial help build a more stable and democratic Iraq? Probably not, but it could help clear up the guidelines and intricacies of man-boy love on the battlefield. This could be helpful for all commanding officers and very hurtful for many a second lieutenant.

"The Mighty Mouse of Cars" | Chevy Aveo

Summary: The Chevy Aveo frightens elephants and shrinks its passengers. It's more than meets the eye.

High Point: Galloping elephant

Low Point: The car.

Will this commercial help build a more stable and democratic Iraq? Depends upon your perspective. Iraqis can now economically fit up to five suicide bombers in this roomy compact. And there's headroom to spare.