Super Bowl XXXVIII: Operation Grand Opening
by Flak Staff

It... is upon us!

The annual deluge of Super Bowl advertising has arrived, and with it comes a prime opportunity to take stock of America's collective head, and where that head is at.

The Super Bowl is a magical time when any commercial, no matter how crazy, sexist or experimental, has a fair chance to shine before a national audience... as long as that ad doesn't involve anything un-American, of course, like political dissent.

Thus, if there's one thing the Super Bowl symbolizes, it's freedom. Which is why we're focusing this year on our newly free Iraqi friends, who no doubt will be enjoying the game on Al Jazeera. How will they perceive the luscious, suckable fruits of American commercial culture? Will our advertisements promote stability in the heartland of the Middle East? Will they teach Iraqis about the true value of democracy? Will they wackily offend everybody's Islamic values?

Stay tuned, because Flak writers will review every single ad of the Super Bowl in real time in order to find out.

We're also proud to sponsor what we believe is a publishing first: A guy composing an epic-length poetic commentary on the Super Bowl game itself... and publishing that poem as he writes it, in real time. This is so for real that you're going to have to check the page, early and often, throughout the game.

The poem should rear its head shortly after play begins, about 6:25 p.m. EST, Sunday. The first block of ads goes up around 7 p.m. EST, and they just keep coming after that.

Brace yourselves.

— graphic by Derek Evernden (derek@ocellus.net)