Super Bowl XXXVII: Break 8

"Terminator 3" | Terminator 3

Summary: Ah-nuld is back. Scenes of things exploding, robots running amok, new hot female cyborg to battle our hero. No plot is evident ... but did I mention things explode? Loudly?

High Point: Yawn. The coming attraction is sort of like getting a handjob from Edward Scissorhands: the prospect sounds exciting at first, but ultimately, it's just painful.

Will this commercial save our failing economy? A lot, but only for Ah-nuld. With his recent box-office record, advancing age and possible plans to run for governor of California, he needs this film. Even if we don't.

"Buffalo" | Levi's Type 1 Jeans

Summary: Two hippies walk along the highway of a deserted highway (what is it with deserted cities this Super Bowl?), are almost trampled by buffalo, get saved by the magical powers of denim.

High Point: When the buffalo almost runs them over? That was so cool! Except for the fact that they didn't run them over. That would have been cooler, just so we could see how really tough these jeans are.

Economic impact: If buffalo are allowed to run free, cities will be destroyed, bringing the nation to its knees. I'm not positive, but I believe these new jeans can help you avoid large herds of animals. Especially if there are two of you and you touch hands like Zan and Jayna from the old "Superfriends" cartoon. "Form of ... a pair of pants!"

"I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here!" | ABC

Summary: Melissa Rivers is lost in a jungle, finds a pay phone to call for help, and then Robin Leach tells her to shut up.

High Point: None. A celebrity version of "Survivor" will only be exciting if they are put in real death-defying situations. Like they're trapped there without their personal assistants and chefs.

Economic impact: Nationally? None. But it's good to see Rivers and Leach getting paychecks. Now let's hope they have to eat bugs or Melissa's mother.

"Gilligan's Island" | mLife

Summary: The castaways of "Gilligan's Island" use a cell phone to call for help. They are rescued almost immediately, thereby canceling the need for any long-running syndicated show.

High Point: When they show the castaways from behind jumping up and down as the Skipper is hoisted on a rope. They can't actually show the real actors because, well, most of them are dead. And they didn't even have cell phones in the '60s, so this can't be real! Liars!

Economic impact: If anyone ever finds out what mLife is or why we should be interested in it, it could possibly have a lot of impact on the economy.

— Bob Sassone (bobsassone@yahoo.com)

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