Super Bowl XXXVII: Break 7
"Even Worse" | Bad Boys II
Summary:
Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are back! How will Bad Boys II — or,
as the transposed logo suggests, Bad to Boys — improve on the
original? Instead of a yellow color palette, Bad Boys II will
have a green color palette. Also: Less Téa Leoni.
High Point: This building — it totally blew up! Totally!
Will this commercial save our failing economy? Since the Boys will most assuredly be fighting drug dealers, they'll also be fighting terrorism! God bless Will Smith.
"Fresh-Thinking Adulterer" | Budweiser
Summary:
Building on the stride toward greater gender equity started by the Miller Lite "Catfight" ad, this ad features a schlubby guy rehearsing how to break up with his girlfriend so he can date her roommate, intercut by her expected bad reaction. But his estimation of her self-esteem was wildly incorrect, as she suggests that he just date them both.
High Point: The moment she gives him his deserved comeuppance in his daydream is the first moment of reality in any beer commercial ever.
Economic impact: Two girlfriends means two sets of gifts the man will have to buy, which will bring us out of the recession twice as fast … except, of course, what will really happen is that these ladies' living situation will go to pot real fast, thereby increasing homelessness. In all: a wash.
"Not as Funny as the Kevin Bacon One" | Visa
Summary: Twin football players Tiki and Ronde Barber have trouble paying with a check because the cashier can't verify each's identity.
High Point: In our writer's imagination, the Barbers pushed the head of one of Visa's stock useless clerk characters through a wall.
Economic impact: This commercial aired before, only sans a Super Bowl joke added for this broadcast. The money Visa saved doing this will doubtless
trickle down to the debt-burdened, flower-shop-going masses posthaste.
"Just the Facts, Peg" | "Dragnet"
Summary: Al Bundy as Joe Friday via, of all people, Dick Wolf ("Law & Order"). This reimagined, much-gritter "Dragnet" takes away all the irony of the original and replaces it with "Shield"-like violence. Didn't ABC just cancel this show when it was called "Robbery Homicide Division" and had better bona fide (Michael Mann & Tom Sizemore)?
High Point: Ed O'Neill pulling handfuls of pills out of his goat leggings (we hope).
Economic impact: This recycled concept again demonstrates Hollywood's
commitment to becoming a sustainable industry, which lessens our dependence on
foreign creativity. (Those blasted Canadians.)
— Sean Weitner (sean@flakmag.com)
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