Super Bowl XXXVII: Break 15

"Old Guy at the Lake" | Sony

Summary: Okay. It's late and the game looks like a wash, so let me sum up. People can use Sonys. Old people can use Sonys. Old men can use Sonys. Old Russian people can use Sonys. Old Russian cosmonauts can use Sonys. Russian cosmonauts who waste their time and risk their life carrying greedy old rich farts pissing away their kids' trust funds on a whim ... well, you get the picture. Overall, all of mankind uses Sonys, even though I'm writing this on an IBM made in the good ole U, S of A, thank you very much!

High Point: The picture of the guy in the Russian rocket heading toward ... Mir or whatever Star Wars crap they have up there. I'm just surprised they actually get rockets up anymore.

Will this ad save our flagging economy? This, of course, plays on the dangerous precedent of old farts being shot into space by cosmonauts. The last thing the Russian mafia needs is more dollars.

"Antiques Roadshow" | AT&T Wireless

Summary: This tried-and-true parody is once again trotted out, this time telling us what we already know: Useless crap (in this case, an old desktop telephone) is still useless crap. And worthless. By the way, so is mLife, from AT&T Wireless.

High Point: When the reviewer uses the words "jack squat." Those damn Keno twins on PBS should use it more often.

Economic Impact: Negligible. Useless crap is useless crap.

"Jimmy Kimmel Show" | "Jimmy Kimmel Show"

Summary: Adam Corolla's back, this time as Carrot Top ... okay ... fine ... where are the girls on trampolines?

High Point: None. See above.

Economic impact: None. See above.

"Designated Driver" | Budweiser

Summary: Now I don't feel bad when I'm driving from the train station slightly tipsy ... not that it's a habit or anything, but, anyway, the annoyingly friendly cowboy type is back from the last "How ya doin'" ad, only this time not nearly as endearing.

High Point: When said cowboy is the first to be dropped off. Thank God.

Economic impact: I'd like to thank the Suffolk County Police Department for not stopping me coming from a night out. I'd like to keep it that way. (It's not economic, I know, but it has to be said).

"Cash At Home" | MasterCard

Summary: OK, once again, we see an old standby of "... priceless". This time, we see dead presidents sitting at home. Not cash ... actual presidents. Do you think that Jackson and Washington tag team on Lincoln on the slavery issue? Does Washington's food have to be pre-mashed? Does Jackson cook his own kill? Just some discussion points.

High Point: Well, none, really. The concept was tired to begin with.

Economic impact: Credit statements will soar, but not necessarily because of three old farts left at home.

"Crowds Rushing" | AOL Broadband

Summary: Crowds rushing back and forth. Not truly representative of the AOL service, which sucks. That's about it.

High Point: When I switch to Earthlink and save myself the aggravation.

Economic impact: See above.

— Luciano D'Orazio (loudogs1@aol.com)

the last batch of ads! ›