The Insects Are Deputized
by James Norton

LADYBUG: Hey. We'd better hurry. He'll get away if we don't hurry.

ROACH: I don't think we've got much to worry about. There's four of us, and one of him. And he's losing blood at an incredible rate.

MOUSE: Oh fuck oh fuck I've had it - I've really had it this time. Jesus is coming down for revenge, and he's taking it right outta my hide. There's no way I can outrun these guys.

ANT: I must say: I have my doubts about all this. It is true that mouse has probably eaten several members of the Insect Directorate. But has this been proved beyond the slightest hint of a doubt?

MANTIS: I am inclined to agree. It is one thing to uphold the law - quite another to engage in vigilante justice. We have not yet arrived at the ironclad conclusion that the mouse is guilty.

ROACH: Guilty? Guilty? The forelegs of our compatriots lie scattered and munched upon, and you question the legal formalities? We must run, pursue and devour! It is our perogative.

MOUSE: This all goes back to God - I know it. I never showed Him no respect - none at all, not ever. I never feared Him! Never feared God!

LADYBUG: I don't mean to be "Mr. Practical" here, but it is not our place to judge - we were deputized, and we have a job to do. We have a mouse to kill. It is our destiny. Let's hurry.

ANT: Is justice meant to be pursued unquestioningly? If there is some grand ledger that we are weighed against when we die, do you not think that our ability to interpret justice - and experience it in our personal lives - will be a considerable portion of that which is written?

ROACH: Ahh! Fuck! People stepping on things! Ahh! Sneakers! Ahh!

ALL: Holy craaaaaap! Scuttle away! Scuttle away with speed and verve!

MOUSE: That was close! I guess I'll rest here in this can of "Sprite" for a while. This makes me think. In a nutshell: I acted rashly before, and I underestimated the determination and willpower of insects. Perhaps I was wrong to have eaten them. But life demands that we make gut reactions to situations that dawn upon us suddenly, and I cannot fault myself for the decisions I have made. Yet, still - I can learn from them, and become a better mouse, and never trouble the insects again. There is no doubt that God - assuming such a higher power really exists - will... AAUGH!

ALL: Eat the mouse! Chew him up! Aaaugh! Vigilante attack!

MOUSE: AAUGH! Blood... everywhere...

MANTIS: I can't say I feel good about this. And yet - mmm. Delicious!

ANT: Justice is served... and it's tasty as hell!

ALL: [raucous laughter]

ROACH: There's nothing like a good meal to put things into perspective.

LADYBUG: You said it. I think we've all learned an important lesson here today.


What lesson did the insects learn? And will they use it for good, or evil? Email your best guess to the author, James Norton - or go back to robbievorhaus.com and stew for awhile.