Original Podcasts, newest to oldest

The Porn Fairy | 08.14.06
A story of free porn that led to all-out war. By Colin Alexander

Sit Down Comedy | 03.16.06
Women Should Not Have Jobs: an essay. By Aemilia Scott

Sit Down Comedy | 03.10.06
The Best Thing Ever: a declaration of the obvious. By Aemilia Scott

Passing Notes: NNNNN=ZZZZZ | 03.04.06
Carl Reiner's latest novel, NNNNN, is a tedious dud. By Mark Hayes.

Sit Down Comedy | 03.02.06
For the love of god, change that CD. By Aemilia Scott

Sit Down Comedy | 02.23.06
Olympic Excellence: A Suicide Note. It's enough to make you want to live. By Aemilia Scott

Sit Down Comedy | 02.16.06
Dick Cheney sings the "Baby, I Just Shot a Man in the Head, Chest and Neck" Blues. By Aemilia Scott

Passing Notes: Fourth Chair Trombone | 02.10.06
What Black History Month means to me. By Mark Hayes.

Sit Down Comedy | 02.07.06
An oral depiction of the Prophet Mohammed: In times of heightened sensitivity, comedians must stand up and be accounted for. By Aemilia Scott

Passing Notes: When in Rome | 02.03.06
Breaking down the Super Bowl by the Numbers. By Mark Hayes.

2006 State of the Union Address | 01.31.06
A special edition of the Weekly Shredder takes on President Bush's 2006 State of the Union Address. By Flak Staff.

Passing Notes: Groundhog Day | 01.23.06
It's always a long way to spring. By Mark Hayes.

Sit Down Comedy: Writer's Block | 01.19.06
Sometimes you have no choice but to confront yourself. By Aemilia Scott.

Passing Notes: Passing Gas | 12.23.05
Ah, the sound and smell of freedom. By Mark Hayes.

Passing Notes: The Pope, Frank Costanza and Me| 12.16.05
We have a lot of problems with you people. Now, you're gonna hear about it! By Mark Hayes< By Mark Hayes.

Sit Down Comedy: My Vagina | 12.15.05
A very personal exploration. By Aemilia Scott.

Passing Notes: Big Savings | 12.08.05
How to get the most value from the coupons in your Sunday newspaper. By Mark Hayes.

Sit Down Comedy: I'm Thirty | 12.08.05
This song is dedicated to all men who are trying to pop the question to that special someone, but can't find the words. Written by Aemilia Scott. Music and Vocals by Jonathan Wagner.

Rooster | 12.02.05
Charlie Parr's new record is deliberately old school, but with a solid sense of place in the present. By Mark Hayes.

President Bush's Thanksgiving Address | 11.24.05
President George W. Bush Addresses the Editors of Flak Magazine. Sit Down Comedy, by Aemilia Scott.

Special Report | 11.17.05
Aemilia does an audio interpretive dance heralding fall, accompanied by world music sensation Ladysmith Black Mambazo. Sit Down Comedy from Flak Magazine.

Deus Ex Media | 11.10.05
Aemilia takes a break this week, and hands the reigns over to God for a live, call-in talk show. If you have any questions for The Creator, email them to god@flakmag.com. Sit Down Comedy from Flak Magazine.

Dear Harriet Miers| 10.27.05
Aemilia Scott, age 14, pens a letter to the coolest Supreme Court nominee ever. Sit Down Comedy from Flak Magazine.

Temple Stream| 10.21.05
Up the creek with a paddle of a transcendentalist make. A review of Bill Roorbach's river-memoir, Temple Stream.

The Media Conspiracy and Me!| 10.20.05
Aemilia thinks about the vast, pervasive media conspiracy and her place in it.

Dancing in the Dark| 10.14.05
Mark Hayes reviews the novel Dancing in the Dark by Caryl Phillips.

Maybe I am Gay| 10.13.05
Aemilia Scott realizes she may be a woman stuck in a lesbian's body. But she is totally, like, not gay. Sit Down Comedy from Flak Magazine.

The DaVinci Code Sweepstakes| 10.07.05
Dan Brown's unstoppable bestseller has spawned a raft of followers attempting to cash in on the combination of mystery, history, danger and exoticism. A review of new books by Mark Hayes.

An Ode to Pelvic Bruising| 10.01.05
Just in time for October: An epic and somewhat graphic poem in celebration of the awesomeness of pelvic bruising. Sit Down Comedy by Aemilia Scott.

Capturing Sound| 09.30.05
It turns out that there is more to sound recording than just recording sound. By Mark Hayes.

Jesus Fish and All Them Ribbons| 09.23.05
Friday audio commentary from Mark Hayes, who wonders if the bumpers and rear windows of America are where we can really speak our minds.

Women Are Not Funny, Pt. I| 09.22.05
Women Are Not Funny, Pt. II
Introducing Sit Down Comedy. In this two-part podcast, Flak's Misc. editor Aemilia Scott — a very funny woman — goes to great lengths to prove her point about women not being very funny.

Flak Jacket| 09.22.05
"Flak Jacket (Theme For Podcast)" was written, recorded and performed by Wayne Lewis. Wayne plays bass and sings in L.A. Riots (available for rent parties, weddings, bar mitzvahs and the occasional bris).

The Law of the Swamp | 09.16.05 |
An original audio commentary on Florida's new Stand Your Ground law. By Mark Hayes.

Podcast Print Articles, newest to oldest

Kick Out the Sports! | 01.25 .06 | (original article posted 01.24.06)
Black coaching candidates aren't the only victims of the NFL's and NCAA's reluctance to hire nonwhite football coaches. By Bob Cook. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Marriage Proposals | 01.23.06 | (original article posted 12.21.05)
Getting engaged is no longer about expressing love and commitment. Nor is it for the faint of heart. Written by Liz Khalil. Read by Tim Wright.

Kick Out the Sports! | 01.03.06 | (original article posted 01.02.06)
There's false hope in rooting for your own team to lose so you can get the No. 1 draft pick. Written by Bob Cook. Read by Wayne Lewis.

The Determined Optimist's 2005 Year in Review | 01.03.06 | (original article posted 12.30.05)
A sunny retrospective glance at some very dark days. Written by James Norton. Read by Wayne Lewis.

The Lyrics to "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" | 12.14.05 | (original article posted 12.07.05)
Nobody will Wang Chung tonight. Nobody. Written by James Norton. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Richard Pryor: 1940-2005 | 12.13.05 | (original article posted 12.12.05)
The legend whose troubled life informed his groundbreaking comedy is dead, muthaf*cka! Written by Taylor Carik. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Shalimar the Clown | 12.12.05 | (original article posted 11.30.05)
Salman Rushdie's new novel is a warning wrapped in a blessing. Written by Matt Hanson. Read by Tim Wright.

Kick Out the Sports! | 12.07.05 | (original article posted 12.05.05)
U.S. out of my MLB, NBA, NFL, NHL and NCAA. Written by Bob Cook. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Review: April-Ade | 12.06.05 | (original article posted 12.01.05)
Unlike the union of Aerosmith with Run DMC, this drink is the worst of both worlds. Written by Louis Cooke. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Da Vinci and The Code He Lived By (and The Package It Came In) |12.05.05 | (original article posted 12.03.05)
There's only one reason a TV show would be packaged this well. Written by Joey Rubin. Read by Tim Wright.

Kick Out the Sports! | 11.30.05 | (original article posted 11.23.05)
Recalling a time when the NBA had no 3-point shot but Penn State football coach Joe Paterno was still old. Written by Bob Cook. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Kick Out the Sports! | 11.23.05 | (original article posted 11.21.05)
Meditations on God, football, and the gap between NCAA Divisions I-A and I-AA. Written by Bob Cook. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Deep Fried Candy Bars | 11.22.05 | (original article posted 11.16.05)
Detailed instructions on how to make sweet, sweet fried candy, all night long. Written by Crystal Schwanke. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Iconoclasts | 11.21.05 | (original article posted 11.17.05)
What is an "iconoclast"? Watch this show and be confused. Written by Joey Rubin. Read by Tim Wright.

Kick Out the Sports! | 11.15.05 | (original article posted 10.24.05)
The definitive guide to grandstanding at the college football press conference. Written by Bob Cook. Read by Wayne Lewis.

All the President's Journalists | 11.09.05 | (original article posted 11.01.05)
The Plamegate scandal may mark the final fading twilight of the majestic -- but doomed -- mainstream media dinosaurs. Written by David Essex. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Sea Monkeys as Pets | 11.07.05 | (original article posted 09.27.02)
Flak Magazine plays God with a bunch of brine shrimp. Written by Claire Zulkey. Read by Tim Wright.

Sitcom Sidekick Showdown | 11.03.05 | (original article posted 11.02.05)
David Silver and Doogie Howser, and this time they're funny! (Well, one of them is.) Written by Cheryl Lowry. Read by Wayne Lewis.

You're Out! | 11.01.05 | (original article posted 10.31.05)
The debacle of the Miers nomination was a surprisingly bad play by a usually strategic Bush team. But they may yet come back. Written by Taylor Carik. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Country Singles | 10.31.05 | (original article posted 07.22.02)
A look at Country Singles magazine, a personal ad-land in which the men are rugged, stout outdoorsmen...and the women are too. Written by Bob Cook. Read by Tim Wright.

Kick Out the Sports! | 10.26.05 | (original article posted 10.24.05)
NBA Commissioner David Stern wants the league's players to look fancied up and non-threatening. NBA players want to sport $500 vintage jerseys. Surely there's some middle ground. Written by Bob Cook. Read by Tim Wright.

Review: Ballpark Food | 10.24.05 | (original article posted 10.18.05)
Take me out to the sausage; take me out to the 64 oz. Fenway commemorative Coke... Written by James Norton. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Obituary: Elliott Smith, 1969-2003 | 10.19.05 | (original article posted 10.28.03)
Flak revisits Elliott Smith on the two year anniversary of his death. Written and read by Wayne Lewis.

Kick Out the Sports! | 10.18.05 | (original article posted 10.17.05)
There may be more to NFL players' touchdown celebrations than meets the eye. Written by Bob Cook. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Huge Strollers | 10.17.05 | (original article posted 04.07.04)
Baby carriages have become gargantuan, and their drivers ever more ferocious. Written by Elizabeth Khalil. Read by Tim Wright.

Review: Evolution | 10.12.05 | (original article posted 10.11.05)
Just because it's been around for 3.5 billion years doesn't mean it's any good. Written by Elizabeth Khalil. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Kick Out the Sports | 10.11.05 | (original article posted 10.10.05)
The days when a pro athlete could get shitfaced without the whole world knowing are over, thanks to the Internet. Written by Bob Cook. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Watching A Storm | 10.10.05 | (original article posted 09.15.05)
James Norton observes the poetry we find — and the poetry we want to find — in forces of nature. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Childhood: Ages 12-15 | 10.05.05 | (original article posted 12.04.02)
Alissa Rowinsky meditates on the blossoming years of puberty, and their attendant raft of humiliation. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Kick Out the Sports! | 10.04.05 | (original article posted 10.03.05)
If the Chicago Bulls have their say, analysis of a PG's A/T ratio may soon give way to scrutiny of his A, C, G and T. Written by Bob Cook. Read by Tim Wright.

Smart Spin Food Storage System | 10.03.05 | (original article posted 08.23.05)
Flak Magazine traces the link between innovative food storage and the decline of American culture. Written by James Norton. Read by Tim Wright.

Childhood: Ages 8-11 | 09.28.05 | (original article posted 12.04.02)
From age eight through eleven, it's time to get goat-ugly. But, wait, being ugly builds character, writes Claire Zulkey. She then backs this up with a courageous personal testimonial. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Kick Out the Sports! | 09.27.05 | (original article posted 09.26.05)
Battles over ethnic mascots are becoming as time-honored and traditional as the mascots themselves. Written by Bob Cook. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Marshall Field's: 1865-2006 | 09.26.05 | (original article posted 09.23.05)
The Macy's makeover of a Chicago original may play well on Wall Street. But how will it play on Main Street? Written by Bob Cook. Read by Tim Wright.

Kick Out the Sports! | 09.21.05 | (original article posted 09.19.05)
The Chicago White Sox may be on the verge of a historic collapse. Yet few outside the Windy City seem to be aware of it. Written by Bob Cook. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Rabbit at Rot | 09.20.05 | (original article posted 09.14.05)
The 50th anniversary of Playboy highlights how a magazine once read "for its articles" -- really -- has fallen on trashy times. Written by Joseph C. Krupnick Read by Tim Wright.

Briefcase-Holding Zombie Next Nominee for Supreme Court | 09.19.05 | (original article posted 09.16.05)
The search for a Supreme Court nominee with ironclad discipline and a clean record reaches its logical conclusion. Satire from Flak's Rejected! pile. Written by Aemilia Scott. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Childhood: Ages 4-7 | 09.15.05 | (original article posted 12.04.02)
The time from age four through seven is when you start to like the Yankees. Written by Chris Junior. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Kick Out the Sports! | 09.14.05 | (original article posted 09.12.05)
Six archetypes of bad youth sports coaches are responsible for creating many an American sports hater. Written by Bob Cook. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Second Chance | 09.13.05 | (original article posted 09.09.05)
After Sept. 11, America wasted the opportunity for fundamental reform. Let's not make the same mistake twice. Written by J. Daniel Janzen. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Bunny Humping | 09.12.05 | (original article posted 12.16.03)
What really goes on behind those innocent yet beady eyes?? Written by Dan Norton. Read by Wayne Lewis.

A Disaster Waiting to Happen... Again | 09.09.05 | (original article posted 09.06.05)
New Orleans counterpoint: does it make sense to spend federal money rebuilding a vulnerable city? Written by Joseph C. Krupnick. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Who Will Pay for New Orleans? | 09.08.05 | (original article posted 09.06.05)
Flak Magazine looks at who should pay for the catastrophic impact of Hurricane Katrina.. Written by James Norton. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Kick Out the Sports! | 09.07.05 | (original article posted 09.05.05)
For all the destruction Hurricane Katrina has wrought, the sight of a destroyed Superdome most signifies the perhaps permanent destruction of New Orleans. Written by Bob Cook. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Black and White Photography | 09.06.05 | (original article posted 08.23.01)
Flak Magazine prefers black and white photography to instant prints at the corner drugstore. Can you blame us? Written by Sarah Brenneis. Read by Wayne Lewis

Lethal Incompetence | 09.05.05 | (original article posted 09.05.05)
The Bush administration's inept handling of the Katrina catastrophe points to worrisome kinks in the security armor. Written by J. Daniel Janzen. Read by Tim Wright.

Cockfight for a Pepsi | 09.02.05 | (original article posted 08.31.05)
Begin with chicken and Pepsi. Add sumo wrestling and CGI. Behold: Marketing genius. Written by Cheryl Lowry. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Childhood: 0-3 | 09.01.05 | (original article posted 12.04.02)
Bob Cook breaks down the fundamental stuff you've got to learn between birth and your 4th birthday. Of course, if you don't have it down, it's too late to go back. Written by Bob Cook. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Kick Out the Sports! | 08.31.05 | (original article posted 08.29.05)
Sports franchises dream of devotees like Nick Lachey, who's been a Cincinnati superfan through thick and thin. Written by Bob Cook. Read by Wayne Lewis.

New Scandinavian Cooking | 08.30.05 | (original article posted 08.30.05)
Norway has its own kind of sexy, and it cooks. A review of the PBS television show New Scandinavian Cooking. Written by Ceda Xiong. Read by Tim Wright.

Cracklins | 08.29.05 | (original article posted 01.31.01)
Flak Magazine opens the closet door on one of our nation's most frightening culinary secrets. Written by Clay Risen. Read by Tim Wright.

A Single Autumn Leaf | 08.26.05 | (original article posted 10.19.00)
A heartbreaking review of a single autumn leaf. Written by Dan Norton. Read by Wayne Lewis.

B&M Canned Bread | 08.25.05 | (original article posted 08.24.01)
Bread in a can? Fascinating, fascinating stuff. Written by James Norton. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Air Safety Instructions | 08.24.05 | (original article posted 08.24.00)
The modern secular prayer that is air safety instructions. Written by James Norton. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Back Hair | 08.23.05 | (original article posted 05.09.03)
These hairy men are not animals; nor is their stigma the result of some crime against humanity. Wake up, America! Written by J. Daniel Janzen. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Kick Out the Sports! | 08.22.05 | (original article posted 05.22.05)
Terrell Owens? Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver who hogs the camera, works out in his driveway and doesn't think he gets paid enough? Never heard of him. Written by Bob Cook. Read by Wayne Lewis.

The Cell Phone | 08.19.05 | (original article posted 05.19.04)
Solitude goes the way of the Neanderthal. Written by James Norton. Read by Tim Wright.

British Crosswords | 08.18.05 | (original article posted 12.26.01)
Everyone knows Brits are wittier, more erudite and more sophisticated than their baboon-like American cousins. This just in: They've got better crosswords, too. Written by Clay Risen. Read by Tim Wright.

Appearing on TV | 08.17.05 | (original article posted 08.05.05)
Jim Norton finds being a talking head is harder than it looks. So show some respect for Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson. Then give them the finger. Read by Wayne Lewis.

Kick Out the Sports!: Scrounging for Respectability | 08.16.05 | (original article posted 08.15.05)
Mediocre college sports programs play the name game in the search for respectability, but often find a coach with a recognizable name isn't enough to win. Written by Bob Cook. Read by Wayne Lewis.

USA Flag Remote Control | 08.15.05 | (original article posted 09.11.03)
A coherent, convincing display of America's greatness that you can use to customize your "American Idol" experience. Written by Eric Wittmershaus. Read by Wayne Lewis.