L is for Lighten Up
by Chris Sprow

Several years ago, residents of Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, alarmed that the Ku Klux Klan had picked their streets to stage a rally, did something that could cause passive aggressive combatants everywhere to stand up and take notice. They left town.

In their absence, a legion of hate marched through a virtual ghost town, chanting their slogans and spilling speech into a still, quiet arena of nothingness, essentially throwing the most desolate "Kegger for Hate" possible.

"Grand Wizard, would you like a light beer, or a dark one?"

If only we were all so savvy. Last week, USA Gymnastics president Bob Colarossi asked Abercrombie & Fitch to stop selling a T-shirt that has the slogan "L is for Loser" next to a picture of a gymnast on the still rings. The sport's governing body also asked members to boycott the store until the T-shirt is pulled.

Aside from the almost laughable realization that the Abercrombie folk have scored untold publicity for another one of their self-serving public relations capers, the fact that the leader of an entire sport would drop to this level is baffling.

Cue tape. Lesson plan I: Dealing with animals. Next time your dog bites you, do not get down on your knees and bite back, no matter how satisfying it may seem.

If the statement, "no publicity is bad publicity" has been feeding psychopathic ear-eating machines like Mike Tyson for years, it has a canyonesque trough with the clothing and fashion industry. Whether it's bobbed hair or cones on Madonna's chest, we should know by now that the phrases "critical acclaim" and "cut from the fabrics of hell" are ostensibly indistinguishable in fashion. All that really matters is publicity.

Sadly, the bait in this case was taken by a member of the world of sports, where political correctness matters less than nearly any other segment of society. No? Have Johnny's biology teacher tell Johnny he fucking sucks. Interpretation: harassment. An hour later, however, his football coach will be tossing it around repeatedly. Interpretation: motivation. In what other arena can a player come out and say, "We need more whites," and be lauded by his black companions? In sports, results matter more than race, sex, creed, or culture, and losers (gasp) still exist. Every day.

Abercrombie & Fitch took a shot; USA Gymnastics took the bait and will boost T-shirt sales to a level unimagined before the outcry. It was just months ago that Abercrombie — which thrives on getting high schoolers to overspend with their parents credit cards on clothes that have the fashion shelf-life of warm Pabst Blue Ribbon — released a shirt that said "It's All Relative in West Virginia." Cue West Virginia governor Bob Wise publicly decrying the slogan. Cue a billion and a half high school guys instantly more anxious for the shirt than for their sideburns to grow in.

Do not be disappointed with Colarossi for defending his sport's honor. Do be annoyed that he chomped a hook minus a worm, and went public, instead of complaining quietly to his wife over a spiteful laugh. This is sports. You should know better.

"Athletics as a whole, and gymnastics in particular, provides a great foundation in physical fitness and offers skills for a lifetime," Colarossi wrote in his public statement "... USA Gymnastics feels that A&F has promoted this latest product in hopes of generating public outcry, attention, and media exposure for their brand."

They did.

But they only poured the gasoline, Bob. They needed you to light the match.

Enjoy the fire while it lasts.

E-mail Chris Sprow at csprow at chisport dot com.