Vanilla coke

When I came back to work with a 20 oz. bottle of the new Vanilla Coke in my hand and showed it to my boss, he said, "That's new. It took them long enough."

It is kind of surprising that it took Coca-Cola this long to develop and market Coke with "vanilla flavor." Maybe the recipe was too complicated. Maybe the failed transition to "New" Coke more than a decade ago frightened Coke execs away from messing with its classic formula. Or maybe those execs feared a violent backlash from lovers of A&W Cream Soda.

Whatever the reason for the belated introduction of Vanilla Coke, it's here and it's not bad. It has the creamy taste you'd expect, which dulls the usual bite of Coke Classic. Whether the taste comes from a few drops of vanilla extract or from "natural flavorings" is unclear, but it's not unlike the homemade vanilla Coke mom used to make. A&W Cream Soda, probably the closest thing to Vanilla Coke, has less rich body than Coke's newest offering. While A&W Cream Soda tastes more like sugar water on tin, Vanilla Coke is smooth, sweet and lingering.

The only disappointment in Vanilla Coke is that like Cherry Coke the flavoring counteracts the carbonation and phosphoric acid that makes Coke Classic so fun to drink. I mean, Coke will burn the rust off a lugnut. When my 3-year-old sister drinks Coke, her eyes turn red and well up with tears. Just to confuse her preschool teachers, I taught her to say, "Wow, this stuff is potent," whenever she takes a sip of Coke. Pouring Coke down your throat and feeling it sizzle on the backs of your eyeballs is part of the experience.

Vanilla Coke is weak by comparison. I had no problem guzzling it down as if it were nothing but a bottle of Dasani. The vanilla makes Coke smooth, and I'm not so sure that's what Coke drinkers want. Drinking Coke is fun because it hurts.

Not to say Vanilla Coke is bad, or won't last. It will if only because the combination makes so much sense. It will still rot your teeth the same as Classic Coke. It will still remove rust about as well as Naval Jelly. It's just less likely to cause chest-caving hiccups or carbonated tears.

— Ben Welch (bwelch@english.umass.edu)