John Smith

It has been said that every decent story has an epilogue.

Several days after posting the heated generational concerns of the individual hereafter known as the Bad John Smith, Flak Magazine received a very thoughtful and insightful reflection on all things John Smithian from a lad (pictured above) currently studying at Harvard.

"My parents thought that naming me John Smith was funny," writes Smith, "and added the two somewhat different middle names to make it a little more interesting. I am the first John Smith in the family."

"I've never really been irritated by the name; it does help sometimes when I have to give it over the phone. People enjoy commenting on it on the first meeting. I've frequently gotten the response, 'Is that your real name?' or 'Where's Pocohontas?'"

Some John Smiths might be driven to a homicidal rage by this sort of mockery. But not John Smith.

"I have had to give my name to police officers a few times," Smith continued, "and they have always made some comment. One of the few times this was particularly amusing was when I was caught tresspassing in a graveyard on Halloween night in high school. My sister, whose name is Mary Smith was also there. When I got to the front of the line of my friends to give my name to the officer, he said, 'Let me guess, you're John Smith.' I found out later that my sister, when asked if the name she was giving was real, had replied: 'Not only is my real name Mary Smith, but my brother John is back there at the end of the line.'"

We all know that Ivy League room assignments are based on humor, rather than practical merit, thus generating things like the Yale houses with roomies named Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, and Sarah, or roomates Matthew, Luke, John and Mark. This apparently is true in some parts of Harvard, too.

"When I was assigned a freshman roomate at Harvard, I was paired with a guy who had specifically asked for an Asian roomate," Smith said. "He thought that they had decided to give him a particularly hard time by pairing him with John Smith from Cleveland, Ohio instead."

Other Notable John Smith Facts:

• He is often called johnsmith, almost one word
• He has considered going by Jack at times
• His parents have said at times that if he were born two days earlier they would have named him Bison Tenniel Smith
• He says he would give his name 4 stars out of 5

Hats off to you, John Jackson Alexandre Smith. You do your name proud.

— James Norton (jrnorton@flakmag.com)