More Quantity
Well well well. Quality may be good, but quantity, to me, and other
people, and even others, and perhaps your boyfriend, is more. Quantity
would weigh more if you are counting anything that happens to weigh a
specific amount, or even a non-specific amount, because there is simply
more of it. When you embrace that ideal. Quantity. Over the other one.
Quality.
Because, when you really look at it, and you can look at, if you like,
if I may, if you will, quantity is not a subjective claim. "That pile
is bigger." "That monkey has more teeth." "I have more moms than you."
Whereas, the alternative, quote/unquote "quality," is a subjective
term. "Your Dad would have loved that."
DAD HATES ABSTRACT FRUIT PAINTINGS, YOU MORON! DAD WOULD NEVER HAVE
LOVED THAT! DAD WOULD HAVE SAID "I COULDA SHIT ON A CANVAS, AND IT
WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THAN THAT, JUNIOR!" DAD WOULD HAVE GROUNDED ME FOR A
WEEK FOR JUST THINKING THAT HE WOULD LIKE THAT! YOU'RE FIRED! GET OUT
OF MY VAN! AND TAKE YOUR FRENCH FRIES! LEAVE THE BBQ SAUCE. BOTH TUBS.
Anyway. If you look at the word quantity, you will see that it starts with the letter "Q". I've personally always enjoyed "Q", even in Scrabble, where it hangs there on your rack like some ultimate weapon of destruction, waiting for that all-enabling "U" tile to unleash its point-mongering wrath upon your opponents.
Quality, however, starts with "Q" in a bad way. I shouldn't have to
explain myself here; the facts seem clear.
And quality. Quality is expensive. High end is usually oppressively
difficult to obtain. Quantity is easy. Just grab a handful of pennies.
That's a lot of pennies! Go to a wholesale store. That's a lot of
toilet paper! And cheap!
Woody Allen told two jokes that I remember. The first is about an
rabbi, and actually, I forget the joke. The second is about two women
talking about a restaurant. The woman that will do the majority, or
actually the entirety of the talking, in this joke, says something like "That restaurant was awful! The soup was cold, the salad was limp, the steak was rancid and the cake was burnt. AND, the portions weren't big enough!"
Yeah. That's some profound shit. Thanks Woody. Never do another
computer-animated feature again.
Some of the words associated with quality:
Let's
move on to words that are associated with "quantity":
- unknown — oooh, mysterious. There could be millions.
- modifier — on a cash register, the quantity modifier is used to sell 15
packs of Pokemon cards at once. God bless that key.
- discounts — I love discounts. You love discounts. That other guy loves
discounts. Whether it's a large quantity of discounts, or a discount on
a quantity, you cannot go wrong.
Worth noting at this point: this review is three times larger
than the quality review. Three is a quantity unto itself, but I'm
talking about 600 or so words now. And that's what it's really all about. How
often to teachers give assignments like "Write a paper as short as
possible that's really good?" Not nearly as often as a paper with a
word minimum.
In conclusion, here are some words that rhyme with quantity.
fuantity
buantity
shmuantity
equality
rontity
lawn-diddy
appellate
here are some words that don't:
sprawl
coagulate
chunky
cumbersome
slough
cha-ching
opacity
Thank you all very much for your patience and literacy.
— Dan Norton)
— graphic by D.P. Barsam (barsam@hotpop.com)
