Dark Chocolate M&M's

"Dark chocolate is our ally," says the Darth Maul anthropomorphised M&M on the wrapper of the 3.14 oz. packet of New! Dark Chocolate M&M's.

And lo, it is verily so. Dark chocolate is truly an ally of the candy coating on these new mass-marketed treats. And if you've ever wanted a chocolate treat that's willing to commit genocide on an entire planet, you're in luck.

M&M's, like most major brand American chocolate treats, are usually abominable. They are awful, waxy, nearly inedible globs of dull brown buildup. Compare them to a European treat like Ritter Sport or Lindt. What's that you're tasting? Poop.

The only thing that makes M&M's even vaguely edible is the tactile sensation of the incredibly thin but brittle candy shell and the soft but substantial chocolatesque filling.

The only thing, that is... until now.

Now, M&M's have the kickass taste of low-quality dark chocolate, which is infinitely tastier than low-quality milk chocolate.

You wouldn't think it would make much of a difference, but it does. Dark chocolate M&Ms, in addition to being marketed as an exponent of futuristic, militaristic pure evil, taste far more subtle and delicious than their hickish cousins from the light side of the force.

Normal M&M's lean heavily on pure sweetness to make their case; dark chocolate M&M's, by contrast, kick back and let the faint but ultimately convincing nuances of the cocoa butter do the talking.

They also come with "Galactic Gossip" printed on the interior of their wrapper. Did you know that Chewbacca is over 200 years old, and Yellow is 54 years old?

Amazing.

These things are not the food of the gods. They may, however, be the food of the gods' domestic servants.

For $.75, still not such a bad thing.

— James Norton (jrnorton@flakmag.com)