Listerine Oral Care Strips

With after-dinner mints, after-coffee mints, cutely-packaged mints, "hint" mints, cinnamon mints and even chocolate mints, there's only one thing this world needs: even more ways to freshen your breath. If there's one thing that can be said about this great country, it's that when there's a trend, we beat the hell out of it until we wring out every single possibility it holds.

Meet Cool Mint Listerine PocketPaks Oral Care Strips, a new foray into breath-freshening that neither involves a tin case nor molecule-sized pellets. The offensively-breathed consumer merely places a piece of translucent green tape on her tongue which dissolves away instantly "to kill germs for a clean mouth feeling," as Listerine says.

It appears that these days, in the breath-freshening realm, marketers emphasize two things: effectiveness (as in sinus-clearing, almost painful minty-ness) and kitsch value. You not only want to clean your breath, you want to look fashionable while you do so, which explains the rise of 'designer' mints such as those made by Starbucks, Barnes and Noble, and even some clothing designers.

The Oral Strips succeed on both levels. Since this product is relatively new on the market, it's definitely a conversation-starter to whip out the tiny (approx. 1x2 in.) "convenient carrying case," and place what appears to be a piece of green tape on your tongue. Of all the breath-freshening products out there right now, it's definitely the one that most resembles LSD.

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But how effective are the strips in turning one from a stank-breathed dragon into a somebody sweet-smelling and kiss-worthy? It's made by Listerine, so you do the math. The strips do effectively erase the smells and tastes of food, booze, and even cigarettes, but it also burns a little, like its mouthwash counterpart, and leaves a slightly medicinal aftertaste along with the cool mint flavor. It's so strong that it will clear your sinuses, so it's recommended for people with allergies.

Well, not officially.

But how effective is the tape form versus the more traditional forms of freshener, gum, toothpaste, mouthwash, hard pieces, and, lest we forget, sprays? It appears that as the strip dissolves, it seems to dissipate throughout the mouth a little bit better than your standard mint pastille.

However, the sensation, while unique, is not entirely pleasant. The consistency of the tape is not unlike that of the edible wrappings of Chinese rice candies, but stickier, and instead of adhering to your tongue, it sticks to the roof of your mouth, albeit only for as long as it takes for it to dissolve "instantly." (The sensation of a "minty" mouth roof is definitely a unique one.) For those with oral fixations, the dissolving process may be too fast in itself, with no satisfactory crunching or chewing. And, if it is too minty for you, forget about spitting it out. The action of removing a piece of tape and placing it on your tongue is not as simple as unwrapping a stick of gum or tossing in an Altoid: it is completely indiscreet and strange-looking.

The directional illustration on the back of the packet looks something like a "how-to" on taking Communion. Finally, removing a single piece of the tape is not quite as convenient as Listerine would have you believe. On a windy day, your entire 16-piece supply can be scattered to the wind. If your fingers are damp, you can inadvertantly remove four pieces instead of one and inevitably burn the crap out of your tongue with excess mintiness (those of you who have swished with Listerine a bit too long know that this is a reality.) Forget even trying to do so if you're drunk. It takes a little finesse.

While the Listerine Oral Care Strips rock the novelty realm and do provide extremely fresh breath, the minty melting strip may be just a little too futuristic for the common palate (perhaps it will catch on when the flying car comes into vogue.) While it is definitely a conversation piece (pack one for a night out at the bar), it probably will never replace a piece of Extra, or an Altoid. Or even brushing your teeth.