The Happy Meal Rat

Everyone loves a Happy Meal (TM). And it's not just because of the burger, fries and shot of soda. In the newest McDonald's tie-in, you could be pleasantly surprised to find The Chroncle's of Narnia's Aslan, Edmund, Lucy, Peter, Mr. Tumnus, Susan or The White Witch nestled amongst your fries.

Or, you could be horribly stunned when you pull out what, at first glance, appears to be a GIANT RAT.

But worry not! Your immediate assumption would be mistaken. It's not a rat, it's merely the largest rodent found in North America. A beaver. Mr. Beaver, to those of you who are Narnia fans.

Who in corporate thought this was a good idea?

Mr. Beaver may not be a rat, but he sure as hell looks like one. Urban legends of Kentucky Fried Rats and other fast food horror stories are buried deep in the public psyche. But not deep enough.

Perhaps I'm just a cynic, perhaps I'm far too old to be ordering a happy meal, but the best case scenario I visualize when encountering a toy rat in the midst of my meal is that he's been nibbling on my cheeseburger. The worst case scenario is that his father is my burger, and he's Inigo Montoya, hanging around to avenge their deaths.

This doesn't help allay our fears about what McDonald's "Chicken Selects" were selected from. What are the old chicken McNuggets? Less than premium? Or less than chicken?

In the future, McDonalds, leave Mr. Beaver out of my burger. And if the next movie about cats, dogs and meerkats offers you a lucrative tie-in, just say hold the rodent.

— Colin Alexander (colin_alexander at hotmail dot com)