Dessert

The power of dessert transcends that terrible Oreo sundae you had last week. Dessert isn't just a dollop of sweet chasing a mountain of savory; it's a powerful symbol. The ritual of dessert probably doesn't qualify as an entire school of philosophy, but it's certainly a useful subroutine.

Throughout life, you're faced with an endless parade of either/or decisions: Should you spend the night bowling, or shooting out people's porch lights with a pellet gun? Should you get a divorce, or carry on for the sake of the children? Should you watch two consecutive "Law and Order" reruns, or three? (Answer: Three, unless there are more available.)

But you're also presented with a series of first X/then Y sequencing decisions. Essentially: You know what has to be done. But in what order do you do it?

You could go out for sushi first, and then come home and pay the gas, water and electrolysis bills. Or you could do it the other way around.

You should do it the other way around; take the worst, first. Two classic alcoholic beverages capture the idea perfectly.

Mint juleps follow the Dessert Principle; they go from acerbic and wicked to delicately refreshing as you work your way through. Black and tans tell the same story; after hacking your way through a block of mossy Guinness, the heavenly clarity of Bass comes like a revelation. Or at least like another half-glass of beer, which ultimately ain't so bad.

The nervous, negative anticipation of a looming obligation never fails to curdle the taste of something that would be otherwise sweet. And the relief of having fulfilled one's obligations always makes something good taste or feel that much better.

Adopting the Dessert Principle as practice is cost-free — all you're doing is changing the sequence of actions you're inevitably bound to take. Your initial urge is always going to be to get the good news first, to watch "Mystery Science Theater 3000" before shoveling the driveway and to inhale the five Orange Milanos before eating the re-heated chicken casserole. Overcome it.

More importantly, overcome your parents' voice inside your head, ordering you to clean your plate before you can have a slice of cake. Despite the fact that they were your parents, they were also right.

Always save the best for last.

— James Norton (jrnorton@flakmag.com)