ADA's oral cancer campaign
This may sound strange, but it's true: The woman depicted in the oral cancer ad is hot. The ads are ubiquitous in Boston: they're on taxis, on billboards, on the T, downtown, in Back Bay, the South end — everywhere. And they're graced by a cute, Audrey Hepburnesque little minx, flirtatiously darting her cancerous tongue out of her mouth as if to say: "Sex and death are two sides of the same coin. My tongue is all-encompassing. Enjoy a night of illicit congress with me. Scream my name."
Well, any thinking person has got to carefully consider what's going on. This is some weird stuff.
The ads are paid for by the American Dental Association, and run in cities across the nation including Atlanta, Boston, Chicago, Denver, Houston, Kansas City, Miami, New York, Philadelphia, San Francisco and Seattle. They highlight a tiny little cold-soresque dot on the woman's tongue, and bludgeon the reader with these words of caution: "It's tiny now. Don't let it grow up to be oral cancer." They also advise: "See your dentist. Testing is painless."
So, the ads are ostensibly trying to stop cancer. You can't possibly object to that. The scourge of cancer — and the importance of early detection — is undeniable.
But the ads feature an attractive young woman (or just her tongue and mouth, by themselves) as the victim. They don't mention any of the risk factors for oral cancer. And they recommend going to your dentist, where — and this is just implicit — you're probably going to get a checkup as long as you're in, and maybe wind up spending a bunch of money on fillings and things.
Let's boil it down further: "Go to the dentist now or you may die. Any mark on your mouth could mean death. Go now, and get some cavities filled while you're there. Hey, have you ever considered tipping your dentist? He'd sure appreciate it."
Maybe that's not fair. After all, oral cancer kills about 8,000 people a year, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Moreover, each year, more than 30,000 new cases of cancer of the oral cavity and pharynx are diagnosed — not a small number. And with proper oral exams, more cases could be caught early — and that's good.
Oral cancer, however, has some predictable patterns. It strikes men twice as often as women. So, Audrey Hepburn should be replaced by John Cusack. And according to the Journal of the American Dental Association, "The vast majority of oral pharyngeal cancer is attributed to the use of tobacco products that are smoked or chewed, with cigarettes being the major culprit."
So — Cusack smokes, right? At least in movies? He still works. Oh, wait... the JADA also mentions that "the average age at diagnosis is 63 years." Fire Cusack. Get George Burns on the line. He's what? Dead? How about Peter Falk? Good. Line him up.
So. Now our billboard looks like this: Peter Falk, in a rumpled raincoat, smoking a stogie, and sticking out his tongue like a geriatric Gene Simmons. Much better. Much less deceptive.
Now then. Does our new, accurate billboard really need to be everywhere? After all, it targets older men with a smoking habit — perhaps we could target our campaign more directly to the people at risk, and fight cancer that much better. In fact, when you look at the odds for a young city like Boston, it seems like a weird thing to try to inform every single Bostonian that they're at risk for oral cancer. Look at it this way:
No. The ADA campaign is admirable in a way — it will probably save lives. But it will also needlessly panic a legion of cold-sore sufferers, and it squanders its money addressing the audience that is least at risk for this terrible disease: young, nonsmoking women with a sexilicious attitude.
Properly targeted, the enormous sums of money the ADA is no doubt spending on this campaign could make an enormous difference against a terrible disease. Instead, dentists across the US will be making beaucoup dollars from high-strung hypochondriacs of all ages stampeding in for their checkup.
