The folklore of Eastern Europe is rife with the mention of the witch Baba Yaga, who flew around in a giant, evil mortar and pestle, and lived in a magic hut perched upon giant chicken legs. While Ms. Yaga no longer dominates popular legend, her magic chicken-mounted hut could be adapted to modern times, and spawn a whole new wave of wondrous stories.

Some possible adaptations follow.

Baba Yaga's Phonebooth

Baba Yaga would work her evil magic assisted by this stylish retro alternative to a cellular phone. Whenever she needed to make a prank call, or anonymously report an enemy to the police, she could simply snap her fingers, and the legs would squat. A phone would then be conveniently available.

Baba Yaga's 51st State

In addition to magic, this would require quite a lot of constitutional futzing around. However, once a new state was legally created and installed at the top of two giant chicken legs, Governor Baba Yaga could wickedly roam the nation performing legal gay marriages and pardoning minor drug offenders.

Alternately, a more conservative Yaga could capture and execute abortion doctors anywhere she went – even Massachusetts!

Baba Yaga's Honda Civic

Q: Why put a reliable compact car on a pair of giant chicken legs?

A: Because Baba Yaga would look cool as ice, running around the highways and kicking the shit out of SUVs and mini-vans while consistently outrunning "the fuzz."

Baba Yaga's T-1 Connection

Two giant legs. One tiny modem jack. When combined, Baba Yaga would have the power to bring high-speed Internet access to anywhere, including Alabama. And Alabamans would be easily corrupted by all the porn and online auction sites.

Has it ever occured to you that e-Bay is nothing more than a vast national swapmeet? My God – if the South found about it, all normal commerce south of the Mason-Dixon line could collapse. Abandoned bacon grease would congeal and babies would run wild as hypnotized Southerners stayed "logged on" for days at a time. Try topping that harrowing tale, Steven King!

Baba Yaga's Giant Chicken

Pretty straighforward. Scares children, lays giant eggs.