Admit it, you're rich.

Yes you.

No, it's no use looking surprised. Somewhere along life's meandering road, you managed to pass that certain point, and here you are. One of them. One of those people who "normal" people whisper about, under their breath to their friends, and say politely, but with an undeniable trace of envy, "That fucking rich fuck."

"That rich son-of-a-bitch thinks he's all that," they whisper, "just because of his hulking SUV and numerous tax shelters. Maybe I'll just break into his fancy house in Lincoln Park and pee all over the place until his $8000 Bang and Olufsen sound system shorts out and his purebread Samoyed runs away from the stench."

"Then I'll stand there — with my greasy hands resting on the canvas of an original Thomas Kinkade — and look at the photograph of his girlfriend, whose elegantly styled blond hair and designer outfit proves that money really can buy happiness, if only in some sort of roundabout, surface-focused way. I will then take that precious photograph, carefully remove it from its $75 sterling silver frame, and eat it."

The thing about the poor is this: they mean it. You never know. They've failed, in our meritocracy. They failed to acheive, unlike you. Sure, you might have had a few advantages — perhaps a millionaire grandfather, or some helpful tips from friends at Yale, or maybe a secondary education at Exeter, or an inate cultural understanding of the SAT — but at the end of the day, it was your own thoughtful and nuanced understanding of the world that's gotten you so far.

And now, the poor are trying to take it away from you.

U.S. Trust offers a comprehensive set of financial services to help good people like yourself hold on to that which is rightly yours. Our proprietary investment research helps maximize your gains, while our influential lobbyists ensure that the government remains sensitive to your needs. Did we just say "sensitive"? We meant "sensitive like a nipple."

Go ahead and say "I am rich," one more time. It should feel a little better now. Now, say it while wearing a tuxedo and throwing dollar bills onto the ground in wads, so that the poor can scoop the money into their deteriorating wind breakers and spend it on cheap malt liquor. Go ahead.

"I am rich!"

Yes. You are.

U.S. Trust
Welcome.

U.S. Trust offers a comprehensive set of financial services to help good people like yourself hold on to that which is rightly yours. Our proprietary investment research helps maximize your gains, while our influential lobbyists ensure that the government remains sensitive to your needs. Would you like access to a member of the House of Representitives? We provide that access. Would you like to golf with a Senator? We provide that golfing. Would you like a team of fresh-faced congressional interns to fly up from Washington DC and wash your car? Depending on the amount of equity you have with our firm, we can make it happen.