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The Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority (or the "T," to those in the know) is the nation's oldest subway, beating out both New York City and Mobile, Ala. Riding the "T" is affordable and easy, but there's a certain set of subtle social rules you should be aware of before you try it yourself. For starters, there are some things you shouldn't do in the subway, or anywhere else. These should be self-explanatory, but the following list should provide an idea of the stuff I'm talking about. Right off the bat, DON'T
The following social nuances are specifically appropriate to the "T." DON'T steal people's pens. Even if they're fancy, and hanging right off of someone's open handbag, the pens are not for you. Besides, stealing them would only spread misery and confusion, a job best left to the government. DO give people free pens. There's nothing wrong with dropping collectable pens into other people's handbags - unless they're filled with blood. DON'T comment on other people's books. No one wants to hear your mangled interpretation of the finer points of Hemingway. Keep it to yourself, Mr. Nosey Commuting Bookworm. DO read interesting books, yourself. A clever book is a clever public image. "White Teeth" by Zadie Smith is a probably a good beginner book for making the scene. And if you're lucky, someone cute might talk to you about it! DON'T drink Dunkin' Donuts coffee. Even though this is a Boston tradition, it's also a terrible mistake. If you're looking for a similar taste at a better price, try licking up some rainwater, or sucking the dirt from a soccer shoe. DON'T drink Dunkin' Donuts coffee. Seriously. DON'T run around the train. Even if the train is lightly populated, no one wants to see you get fit by changing into a cheese-stained grey sweatsuit and dashing up and down the aisles. DO sit quietly, eyes averted. A beaten-down commuter is a happy commuter. Welcome to Boston and enjoy the "T."
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