Arrival of Mothership livens up Fine Arts Week

Like many Fine Arts Weeks before it, this year's Fine Arts Week successfully put forth hundreds of right-brained works to be appreciated by West's groovin' students. Unlike previous Fine Arts Weeks, however, was one special feature that occurred on Friday: the arrival of the fabled Funkadelic Mothership, soul machine of the omnipotent Starchild. Accompanied by none other than the legendary Parliament Funkadelic and veteran bass-playing extraterrestrial Bootsy Collins, the arrival of the mothership heralded West's evolution from a stiff-legged honkie palace into a veritable dance hall of improved funkiness.

The Mothership arrived 6th hour, interrupting the annual "Pot Auction" as it hovered directly over the courtyard. Silent for a moment, the craft sprung to life by suddenly sounding addictive pulses of superior bass riffs. The source of this sound was soon revealed. A psychedelic rainbow flowed down to earth from the Mothership's bottom hatch, and Bootsy surfed down upon it, standing on his revered star-shaped bass. All of P-Funk followed, and spokesman George Clinton urged pottery buyers to "tear the roof off the sucker." Most pottery bidders understood the gist of his message, but a few extremely rhythmless students took his words as a literal demand, and caused $1500 damage to the building in their haste to comply. The Mothership's crew next took over the school's PA system, and urged all students to attend their impromptu aud, a "Toast to the Booty" held 7th hour. The Starchild insisted students attend whether or not they had tickets. "Just tell any uptight teachers," Starchild is quoted as saying, "that you're putting the ass back in assignment." After the Starchild's toe-tappin' funk in, the Mothership left West's airspace, making its soulful beats nothing but a memory.

Despite the positive student reaction to the Mothership's visit, principal Burmaster says she found its visit most disruptive, and hopes to prevent it from dropping by again. She has, amidst protests, hired a new assistant principal to deal with the Starchild's invasion. Burmaster explained her motives behind hiring the new principal to student council representatives: "Assistant principal Sir Nose is the ideal person for preventing another Mothership attack. Sir Nose, devoid of funk, shall never dance. He is therefore immune to the Mothership's powerful funk guns, and can fend off the funkedelic forces." The Liberator, fearful that Sir Nose will make a jackass of the funk, has adopted a funky motif for this issue. We can only hope this is not a tale Sir Nose will win in the end. Peace out!