Woman: 'Men Suck'

By Michele Luellen

I really hate boys. Since I'm writing for a notably misogynistic paper here, I may as well start out good and negative. Anyway, last week for my social psychology class with Mr. Irwin, we had to split into four groups – separated by gender, with two male groups and two female groups.

After that, we were to answer questions such as What are 5 good reasons to get married? What are 5 bad reasons to get married? What are 5 good reasons to have kids? What are 5 bad reasons to have kids?

So, the boy groups really gave us a dazzling display of their intelligence. Their brilliance illuminated the whole classroom. I was astounded! They came up with such logical answers, like:

Good reasons to get married: She swallows; she can fetch beer for me; she's got big tits.

Bad reason to get married: The only part of a woman you need to see is the top of her head.

Now, children... Do you really think you're going to get LAID if you act like sexist buffoons? Do you think dial any self-respecting female will come within a dozen feet of you of she hears you talking like that? It's actually sort of weird; if the statistics are true, and high school boys think mostly about sex (what is it, once every 8 seconds?), you'd think that they'd at least pretend to be humans so that they wouldn't lose favor with the women.

But in all seriousness it just made me sad because I have had intelligent conversations with some of these boys. I know that some of these boys have a lot of potential that they even live up to in certain instances – but then they fall down to the level they're expected to be at by society's standards.

Why is there such a horrible group mentality? Do testosterone only take effect in large groups? How come boys can be real around me and not with each other? Why do they have to get all fucking macho and egotistical? As human beings we should strive to work towards equality - not degradation. It's all so sad.

Man: 'Hey, wait'

By James Norton

Whoa! As a male in Mr. Irwin's psych class, I'd like to say something on behalf of my gender, including some of the males in the groups that Michelle so self-righteously bashed. ALL of us aren't that bad. If you take a look at MY group's dynamics, we had three macho guys, a few fairly quiet guys, myself and another fairly average male. The dialogue from our section went like this:

1st Macho Guy: Okay okay okay! Now we need a fifth good reason to have children. Let's kick this shit. Why is it good to have kids?

2nd Macho Guy: Okay... Because they can help your wife fetch you beer!

3rd Macho Guy: You can use them as footballs! BOOM! [Does a drop-kick gesture]

Average Guy: HAHAHAHAHA!

Me: HAHAHAHA!

1st Macho Guy: Allright, allright. Now we need five reasons not to get married Uhh... She whines when you slap her!

2nd Macho Guy: She doesn't swallow! [Hoots]

3rd Macho Guy: Whoomp! Swallowing! There it is!

1st Macho Guy: Yeah, we can keep talking about swallowing, that'll be like our "motif"!

Me: HAHAHAHAHA!

3rd Macho Guy: Let's put Norton down as they guy who wrote all these!

1st Macho Guy: Yeah!

Me: Hey, wait.

Anyway. When you've got three fairly aggressive males shouting lewd comments, the group quickly becomes dominated by them, and nothing short of hitting them with a police baton will make them get off of their roll. I'm not saying I'm blameless for the sexist crap our group wrote, but I know that 2/3rds of our group were just swept along by an aggressive minority, and as a result, every male within a five-classroom radius was labeled a sexist pig.

What magic physiological process goes on thal turns eight average human beings into a group of hooting and shouting sexists? Why do the majority sit back while a few smart asses run the show? Because it's easier. It's easier for the smartasses to shout the first sexist thing that comes to mind than it is for them to seriously think about the questions posed to the group. And it's easier for the passive group members to laugh and let the loud guys run the show. Human beings are lazy and they don't like to fight, men included; so, we went with the flow.

On behalf of myself and my gender, I'd like to apologize to women everywhere. Some of us understand that sexism is just the male sex's pathetic attempt to make up for our own insecurities and failures by belittling an entire gender that generally acts a lot more controlled and rational than us. It's just hard to beat peer pressure once in a while. In conclusion: there is no need for women anywhere to mace me. Thank you.