Top Ten Signs Your Car Needs Cleaning

10) A guy who stole your hubcaps is hospitalized with leprosy

9) The glove compartment keeps eating whoever rides shotgun

8) Your green upholstery mysteriously fades after coming in contact with fungicide

7) Your stickshift has been buried under a pile of rotting hamburgers for weeks, and you depend on a colony of giant rats living in your transmission to shift gears for you

6) Somethings sticky has bonded the brake pedal to the floor, and it's not gum

5) The Environmental Protection Agency has listed your trunk as a site that qualifies for federal Superfund cleanup dollars

4) One of your friends tries to clean up a pile of trash in the back seat, and the pile vomits poisonous spores into his face

3) You try to convince a cop that you shouldn't be ticketed because your vehicle is a government-protected form of experimental germ warfare, and he buys it

2) Scavengers breaking into your car to search for valuable garbage often disappear without a trace

1) The engine speaks to you in German, and it's not happy.