Oksanacapades

By Jeremy Richards

Tonya Harding. Nancy Kerrigan. These lyrical names suggest the grace with which these nymphs glide across the ice. America has every right to be proud of our female ice skaters.

Our Olympic bitches represented us well. Athletic Tonya whined her way into eighth place, and into the front of every healthy man's mind. Supple Nancy used her fiery beauty to bring home the silver. America can be proud. But I am not proud. I am jealous. Jealous of those lucky Ukrainians. We have Tonya, a temptress who's so bad she's good. We have Nancy, young, strong, American's sexy sweetheart. The Ukraine, though, has the prize of the Olympic games - Oksana Baiyul.

I'll admit, fellow Americans, hot Oksana brings treasonous thoughts to my mind. Instead of concentrating my time and energy on Nancy and Tonya, I have been distracted by Oksana.

Perhaps my separation from American values is understandable, or at least forgivable. Our American girls appear flaccid in comparison to Oksanal's limber strength. How can Tonya and Nancy rival Oksana's expression-filled face? Her pouting lips, her teasing eyes?

Every Ukrainian man must have a spring in his step. I know I would if I could go to bed each night dreaming of Oksana. Dreaming of her long legs carrying her sixteen year old body over the ice.

The way succulent Oksana breaks into tears after skating makes me shiver in frustration. If that is the emotional release she experiences after skating, imagine her orgasm. The power of her strong legs and lean frame combined with her emotional release would almost be enough to break a man.

But I should not think of such things. We should be proud of our girls, and give them the gifts of our thoughts. Oksana may be exquisite, but Nancy and Tonya are Americans. I will let sultry Oksana go for the good of the country. Join with me, Amencans! Let's support our country, let's support our girls. Let's go USA!!